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I'm thinking of starting a movement—the Homework Liberation Front. We march into schools with picket signs saying, "Give us back our assignments, you four-legged thieves!" We demand justice for the countless essays, projects, and dioramas that have fallen victim to the canines of chaos. And we'll have our mascot, a dog in a superhero cape, representing the reformed homework-eating dogs who've seen the error of their ways. Together, we'll fight for a world where no homework lives in fear of being devoured.
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You know, they say the oldest excuse in the book is "the dog ate my homework." I mean, really? How cliché is that? I tried using it once in school, and the teacher just looked at me like, "Nice try, kid." I'm thinking, "Come on, give me some credit here. I at least swapped out 'dog' for 'giant homework-eating dragon.' Spice things up a bit, you know?" And why is it always the dog? Can't it be something more unexpected? Like, "My pet goldfish ate my homework." Picture that for a moment—Fluffy the goldfish, swimming around with a satisfied look on his face, bits of calculus floating in the water. Now that's a story I'd pay to see.
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You ever wonder what kind of homework dogs prefer? I imagine them being like connoisseurs of knowledge, sophisticated in their taste. "Oh, calculus again? I was hoping for a nice history essay. You know, something with a bit more flavor." And what if dogs had a Yelp page for the best homework in town? "Five stars for Timmy's math assignment, really chewy and full of formulas." Meanwhile, my dog's sitting at home, disappointed because my algebra is just not up to par. Sorry, Fido, I'll try to bring home some A-grade literature next time.
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We need homework insurance, folks. You know, like a policy that covers unexpected incidents—acts of dog, cat burglaries, maybe even alien abductions. "Sorry, Mrs. Johnson, my homework got beamed up by extraterrestrial beings. I'm filing a claim, but you might have to give me an extension." Imagine calling the insurance hotline: "Hi, yeah, my cat shredded my essay on the effects of climate change. Is that covered?" And they respond with, "Did you opt for the premium 'Acts of Feline Fury' package? No? Sorry, you're on your own.
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