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Why did John take a pencil to his date? Just in case he needed to draw a conclusion!
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Why did John bring a ladder to his girlfriend's house? Because he heard relationships should have ups and downs!
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I suggested to John that he become a gardener. He said, 'I don't have the patience for plants, they need too much thyme!
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I told my friend John he should start a bakery. You know what he said? 'Knead' I say more?
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Why did John wear a coat to the comedy club? He heard the jokes were ice-cold!
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Dear John, the only 'Dear John' I know is the breakup letter I wrote to my diet every Monday morning. 'Dear John, it's not me, it's you and those tempting cookies!'
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Received a 'Dear John' message from my scale. Apparently, it's tired of carrying the weight of our relationship. I told it, 'Well, you're not exactly light on me either!'
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Received a 'Dear John' voicemail from my sneakers. Apparently, they're tired of always being walked over. I tried to apologize, but they're not lacing up with me anymore.
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I received a 'Dear John' letter from my GPS. It said, 'Dear John, I've decided to recalibrate my life. You're on your own now, buddy. Good luck finding happiness, and also, your way home!'
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I got a 'Dear John' letter from my coffee mug. It said, 'Dear John, I can't espresso how draining our mornings have been. I need a latte more excitement in my life.'
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I recently received a 'Dear John' email. Turns out, John accidentally added me to his spam list. Now, every time I try to have a serious conversation, it goes straight to the junk folder!
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I got a 'Dear John' post-it note from my to-do list. It said, 'Dear John, I can't handle your procrastination anymore. I'm sticking with someone more organized.'
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I got a 'Dear John' letter from my fridge. It said, 'Dear John, we need some time apart. You've been spending too much time with salads, and I'm feeling neglected.'
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Got a 'Dear John' text from my treadmill. It said, 'Dear John, we need to talk. I've been feeling a bit neglected. Your Netflix account is getting more action than I am.'
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