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Why did the priest bring a ladder to the communion? He heard the service was uplifting.
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Why did the communion service have a talent show? They wanted to find the holiest roller!
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What do you call a priest who becomes a chef at a communion? Holy macaroni!
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What do you call a priest who can juggle during the communion? A multitask-tic cleric!
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Why did the bread refuse to attend the communion? It didn't want to be sliced up in holy matters.
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Why did the communion bread go to therapy? It had too many complex issues to digest.
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Communion, or as I like to call it, the original 'all-you-can-eat buffet' for vampires. I mean, c'mon, if you're not into the whole blood-wine and body-crackers combo, you're clearly not a night person!
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Communion is the only time I get to practice my ninja moves. Trying to gracefully accept that tiny piece of bread without making it look like I'm auditioning for 'So You Think You Can Dance: Church Edition.'
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Communion wafers are like the original religious potato chips. I always feel like I need a dip or some salsa to make them more exciting. 'Father, can we get some guacamole up in here?'
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I always wondered if Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding, did he turn the wine back into water during communion? Like, 'Sorry folks, open bar's over, back to H2O.'
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I went to a church once and they handed me the communion wine. I took a sip and thought, 'Is this a blessing or just divine box wine?' I mean, I've had better Cabernet at a gas station, no offense to the big guy upstairs!
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I asked the priest if they ever thought about offering gluten-free communion wafers. He said, 'Son, the body of Christ doesn't come with dietary restrictions.' I guess that's a divine cheat day for gluten intolerant folks!
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Communion is like a religious version of 'Cheers.' You walk in, they know your name, hand you a little snack, and you hope nobody judges you for having seconds. 'Norm!'
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I tried to sneak a few communion wafers home once. Thought they'd make for great snacks. But every time I opened the box, I felt like I was summoning a religious Pringle demon. Once you pop, the holy don't stop!
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I once accidentally dropped the communion plate, and the sound echoed through the entire church. I thought I triggered the second coming. 'My bad, Jesus, didn't mean to rush you!'
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