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The Church Grandma
Navigating tradition and modernity
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I miss the old days when communion wine had a kick to it. Now it's so mild; I feel like I'm sipping on holy Kool-Aid. Where's the divine punch?
The Priest
Balancing spirituality and humor
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They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, I'm here to tell you, if that's true, then communion wafers are the best placebo. I've seen people laugh after taking one of those; it's like holy Tic Tacs.
The Altar Wine Connoisseur
Choosing between heavenly spirits and earthly spirits
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I asked the bishop if we could upgrade our communion wine. He said, 'Are you looking for a more robust flavor?' I said, 'No, I'm looking for something that pairs well with forgiveness and redemption.'
The Altar Boy
Navigating awkward moments and sacred duties
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I thought being an altar boy would make me holier. Instead, it just made me an expert at folding robes. I'm basically the holiest laundry service in town.
The Uninterested Teenager Forced to Attend Church
Balancing teenage apathy with religious obligation
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I told my parents I'm going to start my own religion. The central sacrament? Netflix and chill. Communion will be replaced with popcorn and forgiveness. I'm already drafting my commandments, starting with 'Thou shalt not disturb during binge-watching sessions.'
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