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Joke Types
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At the funeral, the priest said, 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.' Then my allergies acted up.
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I went to a funeral where they played 'Another One Bites the Dust'. It was both fitting and concerning.
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I told my family I want a Viking funeral. They said they'll start saving up for the boat.
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My grandpa used to say, 'At a funeral, you should always dress to impress. You never know who you might meet again.
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I told my wife I'd like to be cremated. She said, 'Sure, let's kill that idea!
Funeral Buffet Drama
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Why do they serve food at funerals? I mean, really, are we trying to turn grief into a buffet? Sorry for your loss, please enjoy these mini sandwiches and try not to sob into the shrimp cocktail. And don't even think about double-dipping that chip – it's disrespectful mourning etiquette!
Funeral Photobombing
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You know what's awkward? Funeral photobombing. People trying to capture the solemn moment and suddenly, there's Uncle Bob in the background doing the bunny ears behind the casket. Rest in peace, and Uncle Bob, please, just rest.
Casket Color Palette
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I was at a funeral, and they had a variety of casket colors on display. I didn't know mourning had a color palette. Yes, I'll take the 'Grief Gray' with a touch of 'Sorrow Silver.' Oh, and can we add some 'Regret Red' for a pop of emotion?
The Funeral Face-off
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You ever notice how funerals are like the ultimate showdown? It's the only event where the guest of honor is completely uninvolved in the competition. It's like, Welcome to the Funeral Face-off! Today, we're mourning Grandma, but who can cry the loudest and grab the most tissues? Let the games begin!
Eulogy One-Upsmanship
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Ever been to a funeral where the eulogy turns into a competition? Oh, your grandpa was a war hero? Well, my grandma once beat a squirrel at chess. Beat that! It's like a grief Olympics, and everyone's trying to score sympathy points.
Funeral Selfies
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Let's talk about funeral selfies. I get it; you want to capture the moment, but can we at least pretend not to smile like we're at Disneyland? Just paid my respects to Aunt Mildred, but first, let me take a selfie – #RestingInPeaceButFirstLemmeTakeASelfie.
Funeral Fashion Police
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I went to a funeral recently, and I swear, it's the only place where you get judged more for your outfit than a fashion show. You've got the Funeral Fashion Police giving out citations like, Excuse me, sir, those black shoes are so last mourning season. And that tie? Definitely not funeral chic.
Condolence Card Confusion
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Condolence cards are tough. Have you ever accidentally picked up a birthday card instead? Sorry for your loss, hope your day is filled with joy and celebration! It's like, Oops, wrong occasion – let me just cross out 'Happy Birthday' and write in 'Sorry about your cat.'
Funeral Karaoke Faux Pas
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I attended a funeral with a weird sense of humor. They had funeral karaoke, believe it or not. It's the only place where singing I Will Survive might get you kicked out faster than double-dipping at the buffet. And trust me, the deceased is not applauding from the casket.
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