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Speaking of silver linings, have you ever noticed how everyone suddenly becomes a culinary expert when someone is on their deathbed? "Chicken soup, it's the cure for everything." Really? I'm pretty sure it won't cure death, Karen, but thanks for the tip.
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And finally, let's talk about sympathy cards. Have you ever tried to find one that doesn't sound like a generic fortune cookie message? "Sorry for your loss, may you find comfort in these difficult times." It's like Hallmark is in cahoots with a magic 8-ball.
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Have you ever noticed how everyone becomes a philosopher around a dying person? People start throwing out profound statements like they're auditioning for a Shakespeare play. "Life is but a fleeting moment." I'm like, "Alright, Shakespeare, calm down, we're just here for the snacks in the waiting room.
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You ever try to comfort someone at a funeral and end up saying the weirdest things? I once blurted out, "Well, at least they don't have to pay taxes anymore!" Not my finest moment, but hey, I was just trying to find a silver lining.
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Have you ever noticed how people bring food to a grieving family, and it's always casseroles? Why casseroles? Is there a secret grief handbook that says, "Thou shall comfort with cheesy goodness"? I want someone to show up with a pizza next time.
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I love how people use euphemisms to talk about death. "They've passed away," "They've gone to a better place." It's like we're trying to sugarcoat the inevitable. I want someone at my funeral to say, "Well, he kicked the bucket. No beating around it.
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So, I was at the hospital the other day, and I overheard a nurse say, "He's in a critical condition." I thought, well, aren't we all in a pretty critical condition when you really think about it? Life, the ultimate cliffhanger, with the ending no one can predict!
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You know you're an adult when you start having conversations about inheritances and wills. It's like, "Who gets the family heirloom?" I'm over here like, "Can I just inherit someone's Netflix password instead? Much simpler.
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And then there's the awkward silence in the room when the inevitable happens. It's so quiet; you could hear a pin drop. I'm just sitting there thinking, "Well, this is uncomfortable. Anyone else thinking about what's for dinner?
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