4 Jokes About A Doctor

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jun 03 2025

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You ever notice how when you go to the doctor, it's like entering a whole new universe? I mean, first of all, they make you wait in that room with all the outdated magazines. I'm pretty sure I've read every issue of "National Geographic" from the past decade while sitting there.
And then the doctor comes in, and it's like they're speaking a different language. I don't know about you, but when a doctor starts throwing around medical terms, I'm just nodding my head like, "Yes, Doc, absolutely. Just fix me, and let me get back to pretending I understand what you're saying."
But the real comedy starts when they hand you a prescription. Have you ever tried to decipher a doctor's handwriting? I feel like I need a secret decoder ring just to figure out if I'm supposed to take two pills or call the Ghostbusters.
You know, we all have that one friend who thinks they're a doctor because they spent five minutes on WebMD. Suddenly, they're diagnosing you with rare tropical diseases that you probably caught from a mosquito in your backyard.
I mean, WebMD is like a choose-your-own-adventure of doom. You type in a headache, and suddenly you're convinced you have a brain tumor. It's like, "Congratulations, you have three days to live. Please consult a real doctor, not your internet hypochondriac friend."
And don't even get me started on the recommended treatments. According to the internet, you can cure anything with a combination of kale smoothies, essential oils, and standing on one leg during a full moon. I'll stick to my doctor's advice, thank you very much.
Why is it that the waiting room at a doctor's office feels like the Hunger Games for magazines? There's this unspoken competition for the best reading material. I once witnessed a silent battle between an elderly woman and a teenager over the last People magazine.
And then there's the person who decides to bring their entire family to the appointment, turning the waiting room into a chaotic circus. It's like, "Congratulations, you just won the gold medal in the 'Most Annoying Patient' category."
And don't even get me started on the outdated TV that only plays daytime talk shows. I'd rather listen to my doctor's medical jargon for an hour than endure one more episode of a paternity test reveal.
Have you ever noticed the weird decorations in a doctor's office? It's like they raided the discount aisle at the art supply store. You've got those generic landscapes that are supposed to be calming but just make you question the taste of your physician.
And then there's always that one motivational poster with a picture of a mountain and some inspirational quote like, "Reach for the stars." I'm just here for a flu shot; I don't need a life coach. I'd prefer a poster that says, "Your insurance covers this visit, right?

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