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You know, they say time heals all wounds, but whoever said that clearly never dated my ex. Time just turns those wounds into scars that you carry with you like emotional tattoos. And just like tattoos, you hope people don't ask about them, but deep down, you're dying to tell the story. I tried to be friends with my ex, you know, take the mature route. But it's like trying to be friends with a vending machine that keeps eating your money and never gives you what you want. It's just not worth it.
The worst part is when your ex starts dating someone new, and you become a relationship detective on social media. You're there scrolling through pictures like, "Oh, so now you like hiking? Last time I suggested a nature walk, you said it sounded like a terrible idea!
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You ever notice how your ex suddenly becomes an expert on your life after the breakup? They're like, "Oh, you're dating someone new? Well, good luck with that. You remember how he likes his coffee, right?" And I'm sitting there thinking, "Do I even remember how I like my coffee at this point?" I swear, my ex could give a TED Talk on all my flaws. She'd be up there with a PowerPoint presentation like, "Exposing Your Ex: A Journey into Regret." I should probably get royalties for that presentation because, honestly, she owes me for the emotional therapy bills.
But hey, let's give credit where credit is due. Without our exes, we wouldn't have those hilarious "Remember that time..." stories to share with our friends. So here's to the exes – the unsung heroes of our stand-up routines. Cheers!
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You ever run into your ex-girlfriend unexpectedly? It's like finding a notification on your phone that says, "Remember that embarrassing moment from your past? Well, guess what? It's back for a limited time!" I saw my ex the other day, and she looked at me like I owed her money. I was like, "Girl, the only thing I owe you is an apology for dating you in the first place!" But hey, at least now I know what regret looks like in human form.
I'm telling you, running into your ex is like accidentally opening a year-old bag of chips. It's stale, it smells weird, and you instantly regret your life choices. And just like that bag of chips, you're left wondering, "What was I thinking?
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Breaking up is like uninstalling a really annoying app from your life. You keep telling yourself you don't need it, but deep down, you're afraid you'll miss the drama. And don't get me started on those breakup mind games. My ex used to play this game where she would text me "Hey" and then not respond for hours. What kind of emotional chess is that? I felt like I was in a text-based version of The Hunger Games, and I was losing badly.
But you know, I've learned a valuable lesson from all this. If a relationship feels like a game, it's probably time to find a new playing field. Preferably one without mind games and more snacks.
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