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You know, someone came up to me the other day and said, "Why the long face?" And I thought, "Am I a horse? Did I miss my calling as the next Kentucky Derby winner?" I mean, come on, who says that to people? It's like the universal phrase for telling someone they look miserable. But you know what? Maybe I was just practicing for my role in the next Oscar-winning drama. I call it "The Long Face Chronicles." Spoiler alert: it's just me waiting in line at the DMV.
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I've decided to turn my long face into a competitive sport. I call it the Long Face Olympics. There's the synchronized long face, where two people try to match their expressions perfectly. Then there's the long face marathon, where you have to maintain your long face for the longest time without laughing. Spoiler alert: nobody wins because the audience starts laughing, and we all end up with sore cheeks from smiling. It's the only Olympic event where losing feels like winning.
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So, "Why the long face?" is a question I get a lot. It's like people are part of a secret society, and their initiation is asking this question. I'm starting to think there's a conspiracy, a Long Face Illuminati. Maybe they're trying to figure out if I'm part of their exclusive club. Well, guess what? I've been practicing my long face in the mirror, and I'm ready to join. Imagine the initiation ceremony - a room full of people with long faces, trying not to crack a smile. It's the most exclusive comedy club you've never heard of.
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You ever notice how people ask, "Why the long face?" when they're the ones testing your patience? Like, my face is just fine until you start asking me why it's so darn long. Maybe I should start responding with, "Why the short fuse?" We could have a standoff - my long face versus their short patience. Who will crack first? Spoiler alert: it's probably me because I can't keep a straight face in a serious situation.
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