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Wedding speeches are like a fine line between heartfelt and a desperate attempt to prove you've been paying attention to the couple's relationship. "I remember the exact moment you two met..." No one cares, Steve, just wish them well!
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The longer the speech, the higher the chance someone will start making obscure references. "Just like the time you both got lost in that corn maze, your marriage may have some twists and turns..." Are we in a Stephen King novel now?
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Have you ever noticed that wedding speeches always involve a disproportionate amount of advice? "Remember to compromise, communicate, and never leave the toothpaste cap off." It's like a marriage counselor with a microphone.
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The best man's speech is like the ultimate friendship test. It's the only time your buddy has the power to embarrass you in front of your new in-laws. It's like a secret initiation ceremony with a microphone.
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You ever notice how wedding speeches are a bit like the weather forecast? Everyone's optimistic at the beginning, but halfway through, there's a chance of awkwardness, followed by scattered attempts at humor.
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It's fascinating how someone who can't remember where they put their car keys suddenly becomes a walking encyclopedia of the couple's love story during a wedding speech. "And then, on their third date, they shared a dessert..." We all have Google, Susan.
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Why is it that wedding speeches always include a trip down memory lane? "I remember when they first held hands." Yeah, Brenda, we all remember when we first held hands. It's not an Olympic event.
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The key to a successful wedding speech is to wrap it up before the audience starts thinking, "I could've binge-watched a season on Netflix in this time." Keep it short and sweet, like a good marriage or a decent dessert.
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You know the wedding speeches are dragging on when the couple starts giving each other that look. It's the universal signal for, "If they mention our past relationships one more time, we're eloping right now.
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