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Alright, so Valentine's Day, huh? The day when love is in the air, and single people are left gasping for breath. I got a Valentine's Day card once that said, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm single, and so are you." Thanks for the reminder, Hallmark. You know, the pressure is real. You're expected to come up with some grand romantic gesture. I tried writing a love letter once, but my handwriting looked like a doctor's prescription, and she thought I was breaking up with her. That's not what you want on Valentine's Day!
And then there's the whole chocolate thing. Why do they always have to put the guide on the box? I mean, I'm just here for the sugar rush; I don't need a diagram to navigate the sea of nougat-filled uncertainty.
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Valentine's Day survival tip: If you're single, avoid restaurants. Seriously, just stay home and order pizza. You'll save money and won't have to watch couples trying to share spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style. It's not cute; it's a sanitation violation waiting to happen. I tried going to a restaurant alone on Valentine's Day once. The waiter looked at me with pity and said, "Table for one?" I replied, "No, table for the strongest man in the world because surviving this day alone deserves a medal.
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Valentine's Day is like an emotional tech support hotline. You try to navigate through the complicated menus of relationships, and just when you think you've reached the right department, you're put on hold, listening to a cheesy love song. I tried ordering flowers online once. They asked for the delivery address, and I typed in "Heart Street." Turns out, Heart Street isn't a real place. Who knew?
And let's talk about online dating. They say there's plenty of fish in the sea, but they never mention the size of the net. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack if the haystack was full of other needles, and they all had commitment issues.
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You ever notice how Valentine's Day is like a ghost haunting single people? It's the ghost of relationships past, present, and the ghost of future loneliness. I once saw a couple so in love they were practically levitating. I turned to my imaginary friend and said, "Hey, maybe we should try that." And don't get me started on the romantic movies they play on Valentine's Day. They're like emotional horror films for single people. I watched a romantic comedy once, and by the end, I was convinced that true love is just a carefully crafted lie designed to make us all feel inadequate.
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