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WebMD is like a virtual hypochondriac support group. You log in, share your symptoms, and someone replies, "I had that last week. It's either a vitamin deficiency or impending doom. Take your pick.
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I love how WebMD has turned us all into amateur doctors. I diagnosed myself with a condition called "hypochondritis." It's when you're convinced you have every illness in the book, except the ability to relax.
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You ever notice how after a few minutes on WebMD, you start feeling phantom symptoms? Suddenly, your left elbow is twinging, and you're convinced you've contracted a rare elbow-only virus. Spoiler alert: You just slept on it funny.
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I recently tried to impress someone by casually dropping medical terms I learned on WebMD. It backfired when I said, "I think I have a touch of 'acute fingeritis'" and they replied, "You mean a paper cut?
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I asked my friend for advice on dealing with health anxiety, and they said, "Just stop Googling your symptoms." I tried it for a day, and now I'm pretty sure I have a condition called "ignoranxiety." It's when you're anxious about not knowing what you're anxious about.
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You know you've reached peak adulthood when your most visited website is not Netflix or Instagram, but WebMD. It's like my homepage is the digital version of a concerned mother saying, "Are you sure you're not coming down with something, sweetie?
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I recently spent a night on WebMD trying to diagnose a persistent cough. By the time I was done, I was convinced I either had a rare tropical disease or had accidentally inhaled a miniature desert. Turns out, it was just dusty in my room.
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You ever notice how when you search symptoms on WebMD, it suggests everything from a common cold to extraterrestrial possession? I'm just waiting for the day it says, "Congratulations, you've got a case of the Mondays.
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If WebMD had a mascot, it would be a doctor holding a crystal ball and saying, "Based on your symptoms, it could be anything from allergies to the fact that you forgot to eat lunch. Let's not jump to conclusions, but also don't rule out alien abduction.
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