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The Cyber Sleuth
Investigating mysterious symptoms online
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My friends call me the Sherlock Holmes of ailments. I solved the case of the mysterious rash by cross-referencing symptoms with online forums. Turns out, I'm not allergic to anything—I just need to do laundry more often.
The Cyberchondriac
Diagnosing ailments that only exist on the internet
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I read an article online about a guy who turned into a plant after using too much technology. Now, every time I catch myself binging on Netflix, I rush to the mirror, half-expecting to see leaves sprouting from my ears. Spoiler alert: Still human, just with questionable life choices.
The WebMD Whisperer
Translating doctor jargon into WebMD language
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My doctor handed me a prescription and said, "This should alleviate your symptoms." I looked at it and thought, "I wonder if there's a YouTube tutorial on how to take pills." Thanks, WebMD, for making me question even the simplest medical instructions.
The Paranoid Patient
Constantly self-diagnosing on WebMD
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I tried to impress my doctor with my medical knowledge from WebMD. I was like, "Doc, I'm pretty sure I have this rare tropical disease." He looked at me and said, "You've been watching too much Discovery Channel. You just have a cold." Well, excuse me for thinking I was Patient Zero in the outbreak of the century!
The Skeptical Sidekick
Questioning every doctor's diagnosis after reading WebMD
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Doctors hate patients like me. I walked in for a routine check-up, and I handed him a list of symptoms I printed from WebMD. He said, "This is a grocery list." I replied, "Yeah, well, I might need some chicken soup for that mysterious poultry-related illness I read about.
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