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The keeper" also tends to overreact to the smallest things. I spilled a few drops of coffee on the table once, and Captain Keeper acted like I'd just committed a crime against humanity. He's frantically searching for napkins, yelling, "Abort mission! We've got a Code Caffeine Emergency! Man down! Man down!"
Meanwhile, I'm trying to assure him that it's just a minor spill, not a hazmat situation. But no, Captain Keeper is on high alert, ready to call in the cleanup crew and quarantine the area.
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You ever notice how there's always that one person in your friend group who insists on being "the keeper" of everything? Like, they've appointed themselves the guardian of the group's possessions. It's like having your own personal overprotective librarian. I've got this friend, let's call him Captain Keeper, who takes his job way too seriously. We'll be at a restaurant, and I'll absentmindedly put my phone on the table. Suddenly, Captain Keeper swoops in like a superhero, eyes wide, ready to pounce.
He goes, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Phone on the table? What if someone spills water? What if it spontaneously combusts? I'll keep it safe in my fortress of pockets."
And then, you spend the next hour playing a game of hide-and-seek with your own belongings. It's like being in a weird alternate reality where your friend is both your protector and your kidnapper.
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You know, being friends with "the keeper" is like having a personal lost and found service. I once lost my favorite pen, and Captain Keeper made it his mission to find it. He started interrogating everyone in the group like a detective in a crime movie. He's like, "Where were you on the night of the pen disappearance? Did you see anything suspicious? Any ink stains on your hands?"
I'm just standing there thinking, "Dude, it's just a pen. I can get a new one for 50 cents." But no, Captain Keeper won't rest until justice is served for the lost stationery.
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Being "the keeper" is a heavy burden, my friends. Captain Keeper carries the weight of our collective forgetfulness on his shoulders. Every time someone misplaces their keys or forgets their sunglasses, it's like a personal failure for him. I imagine him lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, haunted by the echoes of lost items. "If only I had been more vigilant," he whispers to himself in the darkness.
So, here's to "the keeper" in every friend group – the unsung hero of misplaced belongings and the true guardian of our absent-minded souls.
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