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I heard about this odd couple in prison - a tough-looking biker dude and a guy who used to be a kindergarten teacher. Talk about mismatched roommates. "Hey, teach, hand me that shiv, would ya?" "Sure thing, just be careful, it's made of safety scissors." I bet they have the weirdest sitcom-like conversations. "You know, in my former life, I used to teach kids to share. Now I'm sharing a cell with a guy who stole my toothpaste.
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You know, I was thinking about life and how some folks end up incarcerated. I mean, what's the deal with orange jumpsuits? Did someone decide criminals should look like walking traffic cones? "Oh, there goes Bob, the human detour sign." And don't get me started on prison food. I've seen more appetizing things come out of a toddler's nose. Prison chefs must think seasoning is a crime too. "Hey, Johnson, this stew needs something." "Throw in a couple more years on his sentence, that'll spice it up!
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Have you ever heard about those prison escapes? It's like they're auditioning for an action movie. Shawshank Redemption, more like Shawshank Try-Again. I saw a documentary where a guy tried to escape by digging a tunnel with a spoon. A spoon! What did he think, he'd just scoop his way to freedom like a human excavator? "Hey officer, I'll be out in 20 years or whenever I finish this tunnel." It's like a DIY project gone horribly wrong. Imagine a Yelp review: "One star - the accommodations were terrible, and the escape route had too much dirt.
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So, apparently, even inmates are on social media these days. I saw a post from a guy doing time for burglary. He said, "Just broke into my cellmate's stash of ramen noodles. #LivingOnTheEdge." Living on the edge? Buddy, you're in a maximum-security prison, not at a buffet. And then there are those prison workout videos. "PrisonFit: Get ripped behind bars." I guess doing push-ups and lifting imaginary weights is the new orange is the new black.
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