16 Jokes About The Founding Fathers

Puns

Updated on: Aug 14 2025

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Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree? Because he couldn't resist branching out!
What do you call Thomas Jefferson's favorite drink? Monti-cello!
Why was Benjamin Franklin such a great inventor? He knew how to conduct himself!
Why did Thomas Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence in pen? Because it was too 'tip-ping' to use a quill!
Why did Benjamin Franklin never get electrocuted? He knew how to 'conduct' himself!
What do you call Thomas Jefferson's pet parrot? Polly-tical!

Founding Fathers, More Like 'Found a Country and Left the Mess for Us!'

Alright, let's talk about the founding fathers. These guys set the stage for the greatest show on Earth, but it feels like they pulled a Houdini right after and left us with this historical clean-up act. I mean, 'Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of a Janitorial Service,' am I right?

Founding Fathers: The OG Roommates Who Didn't Do the Dishes

These guys were living together in history, drafting the Constitution and all, but I bet if Thomas Jefferson had an Instagram, he'd be posting stories like, Ugh, Hamilton left his quill out again, and Adams won't stop hogging the parchment. #DramaAlert #FoundingFathersFeud.

Founding Fathers' Tinder Profiles: 'Looking for a More Perfect Union... and Someone to Split the Bar Tab'

I can see it now, George Washington's profile picture with that wooden teeth smile, swiping right on Lady Liberty. Swipe right if you can handle a man who can't tell a lie but might have trouble with commitment.

Founding Fathers' Mixtape: 'Revolutionary Rhymes and Colonial Crimes'

Yo, check out the Founding Fathers' mixtape, dropping bars harder than the Boston Tea Party. Their first single? 'Taxation Without Representation Ain't Cool, Bro.' It's fire, literally.

If the Founding Fathers Had Social Media, 'We the People' Would Be a Hashtag

Imagine John Hancock signing the Declaration of Independence like it's an Instagram post, adding a fancy signature and the caption, Putting my Hancock on history. #DeclarationDapper #RevolutionReady.

Founding Fathers' Real Legacy: 'Making Wigs Great Again!'

Can we talk about those wigs? The Founding Fathers weren't just shaping a nation; they were setting a trend. If they were around today, the hair care aisle at the supermarket would be full of powdered wigs and tri-corner hat styling gel.

Founding Fathers: The Original Hipsters, Because Independence Was Too Mainstream

These guys were so ahead of their time. If they were around today, they'd be sipping artisanal tea in a coffee shop, discussing the most obscure ways to rebel against the British Empire. I'm boycotting tea, man. Coffee is the true revolution.

If the Founding Fathers Saw Us Now, They'd Say, 'Wait, We Forgot Wi-Fi!'

Imagine Benjamin Franklin flying his kite in a lightning storm, discovering electricity, only to realize that two centuries later, we'd be using it to argue with strangers on the internet. The founding fathers would be like, We fought for freedom, not for the freedom to post cat memes!

Founding Fathers' Advice Column: 'Ask Ben - Because Lightning Strikes Twice'

In today's column, Benjamin Franklin answers questions like, Dear Ben, how do I deal with a tyrannical boss? His response: Well, my friend, just fly a kite in a thunderstorm and hope for the best. It worked for me!

Founding Fathers' Group Chat: 'How Do We Turn Off Notifications on This Democracy Thing?'

Can you imagine their group chat back then? Hey guys, I just declared independence. LOL, Thomas Jefferson is typing... 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.' Dude, chill, we're trying to plan the revolution, not write a novel!

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