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Have you ever been in a conversation with someone highly educated, and suddenly you feel like you're in the presence of a walking encyclopedia? They know everything about everything. You could be talking about the weather, and they'll hit you with the humidity levels in the Amazon rainforest. I have a friend like that, and it's like having a human version of Wikipedia around. You can't challenge them on anything because they've read every book, watched every documentary, and probably have a subscription to "Smart People Weekly." It's exhausting.
And when you try to share some random trivia, they just nod and say, "Oh, yes, I read about that in my spare time last night." Spare time? I'm over here struggling to find time to microwave a frozen burrito, and they're casually reading about the migration patterns of Antarctic penguins.
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Ever notice how some educated folks are brilliant in the classroom but socially awkward in the real world? They can solve complex equations but freeze up when asked to make small talk. I have this friend who's a genius when it comes to theoretical physics, but put him in a room full of people, and he becomes the human equivalent of a malfunctioning robot. You'll ask him about the latest blockbuster movie, and he'll start explaining the physics behind time travel in a parallel universe.
It's like, buddy, we're just trying to have a casual conversation, not unravel the secrets of the universe. I love my educated friends, but sometimes I feel like I need a translator to decode their social interactions.
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You know what's ironic? People who are highly educated are often the best at procrastinating. They can write a thesis on the history of procrastination while simultaneously avoiding their actual work. I have this friend who's a genius, but ask him to meet a deadline, and suddenly he's an expert at finding creative excuses. "Oh, I was too busy analyzing the socio-economic impact of Netflix binge-watching on millennials." Yeah, right. Meanwhile, the only impact I'm analyzing is the dent in my couch from hours of Netflix.
I think they should introduce a new degree for procrastination. I can see it now: "Master's in Procrastination Studies." The thesis would probably be due in 10 years, and everyone would graduate with honors.
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You ever notice how people always say, "Oh, he's educated, he must be really smart!" But let me tell you, being educated doesn't always mean you're smart. I mean, I know people with multiple degrees who can't figure out how to change a lightbulb without consulting Google. And don't get me started on those folks who drop random Latin phrases in the middle of conversations just to sound intelligent. I had a friend who used to do that all the time. He'd be like, "Oh, you know, it's just a classic case of post hoc ergo propter hoc." And I'd be like, "Bro, we're just trying to decide where to get pizza, not arguing a legal case in ancient Rome!"
I respect education, but sometimes it feels like we're in a competition to see who can collect the most degrees. It's like, "Oh, you've got a PhD? Well, I've got a PhD and a master's in underwater basket weaving. Beat that!
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