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So, the corona virus has given us a whole new definition of what's "normal." Like, remember when you used to cross the street to avoid people? Now you cross the street to avoid the street because there are too many people there. Grocery shopping has become an extreme sport. It's like a mix of "Supermarket Sweep" and "The Hunger Games." I saw two grandmas fighting over the last roll of paper towels, and I swear, one of them did a cartwheel to snatch it. Respect for the hustle!
And speaking of masks, they've become a fashion statement. I've seen more creativity in mask designs than I have in art galleries. People are rocking masks with superhero logos, movie quotes, and even ones that make you look like a cat. Meow!
Dating during the pandemic? Now that's a whole other level of complicated. You used to worry about a goodnight kiss; now you worry if they sanitized their hands after touching that doorknob. And let's be real, a first date these days involves less flirting and more discussion on vaccination statuses.
But hey, silver lining, right? I've learned that I can survive on home-cooked meals. Turns out, I'm a decent chef when my only other option is burning water.
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You know, the corona virus has taught us a lot. Like, I've learned that I can go from "I'll never bake my own bread" to "I'm the sourdough king" in a matter of weeks. We've become professional hand washers. I've washed my hands so much; they're prunier than a raisin. I've gone from singing "Happy Birthday" to timing my hand-washing routine to a whole Broadway musical.
But seriously, amidst all the chaos, we've seen some incredible acts of kindness. From neighbors delivering groceries to each other to healthcare workers pulling superhero shifts, humanity has really shown its best side.
And as much as I complain about missing the good old days, there's something about this experience that's brought us closer together, even if it's six feet apart.
We've learned resilience. We've learned to appreciate the little things. And most importantly, we've learned that we can survive even the toughest challenges, as long as we keep our spirits high and our Netflix queues stocked.
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So, we've got vaccines now. They're like golden tickets, but instead of entering a chocolate factory, you get a chance to enter the real world again. Getting vaccinated has turned into a competition. It's like trying to get tickets to a Beyoncé concert, except instead of refreshing Ticketmaster, you're refreshing vaccine appointment pages. And the excitement when you finally secure a spot? You'd think you won the lottery!
I got my vaccine, and I swear, for a day, I felt like a superhero. "Vaccine Man," defender of herd immunity! But then the side effects hit, and suddenly, I had the strength of a sleepy kitten. I sneezed, and people thought I was patient zero.
But let's talk about anti-vaxxers for a second. They're like conspiracy theorists who missed the memo that science is not a menu where you can pick and choose what you believe in. I mean, they trust the Wi-Fi on their phones more than they trust a vaccine developed by scientists.
But hey, I'm just excited to see what the future holds. We've got vaccines, masks, and hand sanitizers. Who knows, maybe next year, we'll all be walking around in hazmat suits like we're about to land on Mars!
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You know, folks, they say laughter is the best medicine, but whoever said that clearly hadn't tried to cure the common cold with a knock-knock joke. Speaking of things that aren't a laughing matter, let's talk about the corona virus. I mean, remember when Corona was just a drink with a slice of lime? Now you order a Corona at a bar, and people look at you like you just asked for a side of hand sanitizer.
The thing about this virus is, it's changed the way we do everything. You used to cough to cover up a fart; now you fart to cover up a cough. And sneezing in public? That's like trying to rob a bank with a water gun these days.
But hey, at least we've become masters of a new skill: the art of smiling with our eyes. You know you've perfected it when someone can tell you're grinning under that mask just by the sparkle in your peepers.
And don't get me started on Zoom calls. I'm convinced Zoom was invented by introverts, for introverts. It's the only place where you can be in a meeting wearing pants and nobody knows. Well, until you accidentally stand up to grab your coffee and reveal your pajama bottoms to the whole team.
But hey, at least we've learned some things during this pandemic. We've discovered that we can survive without toilet paper but not without Wi-Fi. Priorities, people!
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