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I've become a pro at reading people's eyes because, with masks on, that's all we've got to work with. It's like a whole new level of social interaction – the eyes are the windows to the socially distanced soul.
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Zoom meetings have become our new social life. I never thought I'd miss the awkward elevator conversations until I realized I'd traded them for pixelated faces frozen in the most unflattering expressions.
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Remember when we used to cancel plans because we didn't feel like going out? Now we cancel plans because, well, we literally can't go out. "Sorry, can't make it, I've got a date with my couch and a series on Netflix.
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Masks have become the new fashion accessory. I never thought I'd see the day when my outfit choice would be judged based on whether it complements my face mask. "Oh, you're wearing the floral one today? Very pandemic chic!
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Grocery shopping has turned into a strategic operation. It's like playing a real-life game of Pac-Man – dodge the virus, grab the essentials, and avoid the guy who coughs like he's auditioning for a horror movie.
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Dating during a pandemic is like playing Russian roulette, but instead of bullets, you're dodging awkward conversations about your quarantine hobbies. "Oh, you took up knitting? That's... unique.
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You know you're in 2022 when "How are you?" has turned into a temperature check instead of a casual greeting. "I'm good, but more importantly, am I 98.6 good?
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The only thing spreading faster than the virus is the conspiracy theories about the virus. I've heard everything from "5G towers did it" to "it's a government ploy to make us binge-watch more TV.
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Is it just me, or has anyone else forgotten what it's like to see someone's entire face? We're like secret agents trying to recognize each other by our eyes and the way we awkwardly wave from a safe distance.
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