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I recently had surgery, and they told me not to eat or drink anything for hours before the procedure. It's like they want you to experience the joy of hunger and dehydration before they knock you out. It's not surgery; it's a pre-game for a survival reality show.
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Surgery waiting rooms are the only place where you'll find people staring at the clock with both hope and dread. It's like time becomes this twisted game show host, announcing, "Will your loved one be out in 20 minutes, or will it feel like an eternity? Stay tuned!
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Surgery scars are like battle wounds, but with a much less exciting story. "Yeah, I fought off an appendix once. It was a tough little sucker, but I showed it who's boss." I need some epic music to accompany my scar-revealing moments.
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Have you ever noticed how the hospital staff treats surgery patients like they're part of some exclusive club? They wheel you around in a bed, give you a fashionable bracelet, and make you feel like you're at a VIP event. I was just waiting for the red carpet.
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Post-surgery, they always ask you to rate your pain on a scale from 1 to 10. I'm sitting there thinking, "Can I get a reference chart or something? What does a 7 even mean? Is that like a stubbed toe or a medieval torture device?
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Surgeons must be the ultimate multitaskers. They're in there fixing you up while probably planning their next vacation or thinking about what's for lunch. I can barely text and walk without tripping, and they're performing life-saving operations.
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Ever notice how after surgery, everyone becomes an expert on your recovery? "You should try this herbal tea; it worked wonders for my cousin's neighbor's friend." Thanks, but I'll stick to the doctor's prescription, not your backyard remedy.
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You ever notice how surgery patients always have that one fashionable accessory they can't leave home without? Oh yeah, it's called the hospital gown. It's like the latest trend in high-end fashion, complete with an open-back design for that added touch of vulnerability.
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You know you've had too many surgeries when the hospital staff starts greeting you like a regular at a coffee shop. "Hey, Bob! Good to see you again. The usual, surgery with a side of anesthesia?
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