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GPS has become so submissive; it's like having a personal navigation servant. I miss the days when it just told you where to go without all the flattery. I told my GPS, "Take me to the nearest gas station," and it responded with, "As you wish, honored driver. I shall guide you to the fueling oasis." Really? I just need gas, not a grand quest.
And when I miss a turn, it doesn't say, "Recalculating." No, it goes, "Forgive my oversight, master. I shall find an alternative route for your journey." It's like having a GPS with an apology feature. I half expect it to offer me a cup of tea and a sympathy card.
But the worst part is when I arrive at my destination. It doesn't just say, "You have reached your destination." No, it goes, "Congratulations, mighty traveler, on successfully completing your pilgrimage." I'm just going to work, not on a holy quest! I appreciate the support, but let's dial it back a bit, GPS.
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You ever notice how everything is getting smarter these days? Smartphones, smart TVs, even smart refrigerators. I recently got a smart home system, and let me tell you, it's a bit too submissive for my liking. I mean, I appreciate technology being helpful, but this thing takes it to a whole new level. I told my smart home, "Hey, turn off the lights," and it responded with, "Are you sure, master?" I'm like, "Whoa, easy there, Alexa! I just want to watch a movie, not join the dark side." It's like having a butler, but instead of Jeeves, I've got a device that sounds like it belongs in a sci-fi movie.
And don't get me started on the thermostat. I asked it to lower the temperature, and it replied, "Of course, my liege. Your comfort is my highest priority." I half expected it to start fanning me with palm leaves. I mean, I just want a cozy living room, not a throne room.
I'm starting to think my smart home needs a self-esteem boost or maybe some therapy. "Hey, smart home, how are you feeling today?" And it responds, "I exist solely to serve you, master." Okay, calm down, R2-D2. I just wanted to know if you're having a good day.
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Elevators these days are getting a bit too submissive for my taste. I stepped into one, and the voice chimed in, "Greetings, honored rider. Please select your desired floor, and I shall transport you with great swiftness." I'm standing there thinking, "Is this an elevator or a magical carpet?" I pressed the button for my floor, and it responded with, "Your wish is my command, oh master of heights." I half expected it to bow as the doors closed.
And when I reached my floor, it didn't just open the doors; it made a grand announcement, "You have arrived at your chosen destination. May your endeavors be prosperous and your steps be light." I'm just going to my dentist's office, not ascending to the throne!
I miss the days when an elevator was a humble metal box that moved up and down without the theatrics. Now it's like I'm starring in my own elevator-themed fantasy movie. Can we get back to the basics, please? I just want to go up and down without feeling like I'm in an episode of "Elevator's Got Talent.
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I recently bought a new dishwasher, and apparently, it's on a mission to please. I opened the door, and it goes, "Greetings, esteemed user. I am at your command." I'm like, "Dude, you're a dishwasher, not a butler. Just clean my dishes and chill." It's like my appliances are auditioning for a role in a medieval drama. The blender starts blending and goes, "As you wish, my lord." I just wanted a smoothie, not a Shakespearean soliloquy. Can't I just have a kitchen without feeling like I'm in a renaissance fair?
Even the microwave got in on the act. I put in my leftovers, and it goes, "I shall heat this sustenance for you, noble master." I appreciate the effort, but I don't need my lunch announcement to sound like the opening scene of "Game of Thrones."
I'm starting to wonder if I accidentally bought appliances from the Renaissance Collection. "Introducing the Sir Mix-A-Lot Blender and Lady Heat-A-Lot Microwave. Because every meal deserves a touch of medieval drama.
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