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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
The Alien Abduction of Pens
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I buy pens in bulk, but they vanish faster than my hopes of ever having a tidy desk. I think aliens are abducting them. Imagine an extraterrestrial signing intergalactic treaties with my missing Bic.
The Mysteries of Microwave Buttons
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You ever notice how there's always that one button on the microwave that nobody uses? Reheat 7? What happened to Reheat 6? Did it go on vacation with Defrost 5?
The Elusive Sock Monster
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Every time I do laundry, I swear a sock goes missing. I'm starting to think there's a sock black market out there. Next time I see a squirrel wearing a tiny sock, I know where it came from!
The Case of the Disappearing TV Remote
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You ever lose your TV remote and suddenly feel like you're living in the Stone Age? I'm convinced there's a remote Bermuda Triangle in every living room. Just once, I want it to reappear with snacks.
The Strange Behavior of Alarm Clocks
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Alarm clocks have a weird sense of humor. One day they're waking you up early for no reason, the next they're playing dead. I'm convinced they're in cahoots with my socks, planning a world domination strategy.
The Invisible Glasses
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I went to the optometrist, and he handed me these new invisible glasses. Said they'll improve my vision. Now I can't find them! It's like playing hide and seek with my own eyes.
The Midnight Fridge Whisperer
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Ever go to the fridge late at night, and it's like a horror movie? The moment you close it, you hear a whisper, You forgot the chocolate cake. I think my fridge is possessed by a dessert demon.
The Sneaky Sneaker Thief
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I've lost count of how many times I've tied my shoelaces. Either there's a sneaker thief, or my shoes are training for a marathon without me. At this point, I'm just waiting for them to ask for a water break.
The Mysterious Case of Leftover Containers
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I have a drawer full of leftover containers. I swear they're breeding in there. I open it up, and they're playing poker, discussing which of my meals they'll imprison next.
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