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The Janitor
Cleaning up after the grand event
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The State of the Union is the only time I've seen politicians throw paper in the air and not declare it a national emergency. I guess it's the closest thing we have to a bipartisan party.
A First-Time Attendee
Navigating the confusing etiquette of when to clap and when to stay silent
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They should hand out instruction manuals at the door for first-timers. "Chapter 1: Applause or Nah? A beginner's guide to political clapping.
A Conspiracy Theorist
Believing every detail is a hidden message
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They say the devil is in the details, but conspiracy theorists say the devil is in the State of the Union address, hiding behind a carefully crafted policy speech.
The President's Speechwriter
Trying to make the State of the Union sound exciting
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Being a speechwriter is tough. It's like being a chef, but instead of cooking food, you're cooking up excuses for why the country's problems aren't your fault.
The Teleprompter Operator
Dealing with unexpected technical difficulties
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Teleprompter operators have the power to make the president sound Shakespearean or like a stand-up comedian. Last night, I accidentally turned the State of the Union into a political roast. Sorry, Mr. President!
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