5 Jokes For Spit

Double Meaning Jokes

Updated on: Sep 03 2024

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The Paranoid Detective

Investigating a crime scene where spit is the only clue.
We had a suspect who claimed he was innocent because he had a solid alibi – he was home alone practicing his spitting skills. I guess he thought he could spit his way out of trouble.

The Competitive Gym-Goer

Trying to outdo others in a fitness class where spitting seems to be the unspoken competition.
My workout buddy is convinced that spitting during exercise boosts performance. I told him, "If that were true, camels would be the fittest animals on the planet. Save the spit for the water fountain, buddy.

The Overenthusiastic Barber

Dealing with clients who have too many opinions on the use of saliva during a haircut.
Some people want a haircut with a little extra "moisture." I tell them, "Listen, I can make you look sharp, but I'm not opening a saliva salon. That's a whole different business.

The Germophobic Chef

Cooking in a kitchen where the team is too casual about the use of spit.
My sous chef is convinced that spitting on food is an ancient culinary technique. I told him, "Dude, the only thing ancient about that technique is getting fired for doing it.

The Annoyed Bartender

Dealing with customers who think they're stand-up comedians when ordering drinks.
I had a customer who insisted on a "spit-tini." I said, "Is that shaken, stirred, or spat on? We have a variety of spitting techniques to choose from.

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