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Joke Types
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Did you hear about the electrician who accidentally cut the wire? He didn't mean to sever the connection!
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Why did the mathematician sever ties with his friends? Because they just didn't add up!
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Why did the gardener sever ties with the tree? It was getting too sappy!
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Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally cut himself while slicing meat? He didn't mean to sever the steaks!
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What do you call it when a barber accidentally cuts off too much hair? A shear disaster!
Sever the Ties
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You ever tried to break up with someone, and they take it to a whole new level? I told my ex I wanted to sever our relationship, and she thought I meant she should become a ghost. Now I've got a phantom ex haunting my Netflix queue. I can't even binge-watch without some ghostly commentary!
Severed Signals
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My phone provider told me they needed to sever some signals for a better connection. Now I can't get texts in my own apartment, but I can pick up every radio station within a 10-mile radius. Who needs love when you have constant updates on traffic and weather?
Severed Socks
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I tried to declutter my life and told my socks we needed to sever some ties. Now I have a drawer full of single socks, and I swear they're plotting their revenge. I can almost hear them whispering, Sock it to him!
Severely Misunderstood
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I told my therapist I wanted to sever ties with my comfort zone, and she suggested I take up extreme sports. I meant trying new hobbies, not risking my life! Now I'm hang gliding every weekend, and I still can't find a hobby that doesn't involve a helmet.
Severed Selfies
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I decided to sever ties with social media, so I deleted all my selfies. Now when people ask for a picture, I have to describe my face like I'm filing a police report. Well, I have two eyes, a nose, and a vague sense of regret.
Severance Package
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I told my boss I needed a severance package, and he thought I wanted a gift basket for my emotional wounds. Now I'm the proud owner of a corporate-branded stress ball and a Get Well Soon card. Thanks, but I was hoping for a golden parachute, not a rubber one.
Severed Sneezes
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I told my allergies they were severing their welcome, but they misunderstood and thought I said seasoning. Now I'm the guy sneezing pepper on his dinner, making every meal an unexpected adventure.
Sever and the City
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Breaking up in the city is a whole different ball game. I told my girlfriend we needed to sever ties, and she handed me a metro card. Turns out, she thought I was just suggesting a different mode of transportation. Now I'm single and navigating the subway - both equally confusing!
Sever and Forget
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I recently had surgery, and the doctor said they had to sever a few things. I asked, Can you sever my memory of the hospital food while you're at it? I don't want to remember the mystery meat that tasted like it had been reheated since the invention of the microwave.
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