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School president speeches are like political debates, but with a lower budget and more awkward pauses. I half-expect them to start a talent show in the middle, just to keep things interesting.
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My favorite part is when they promise to listen to the students. Yeah, because nothing says "I'm in touch with your struggles" like a person who just discovered the existence of TikTok yesterday.
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You ever notice how the school president always starts their speech with, "Good morning, students!" at a time when most of us are still mentally in bed? It's like they're trying to wake us up with enthusiasm, but my brain is hitting the snooze button.
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They always end their speeches with, "Together, we can make a difference!" It's a high school, not a superhero team-up. I just want to graduate without tripping on the stage, not save the world.
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These candidates promise to bring change, but the only change I see is them changing their hairstyle to look more "presidential." I mean, is a slick side part really the key to solving our cafeteria pizza crisis?
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Have you ever noticed that the school president candidates suddenly become experts on every issue during their campaign? Yesterday, they were struggling with algebra, and today they've got a 10-point plan for world peace.
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I love how they promise shorter lunch lines. Are they planning to shrink the school or just magically make everyone eat faster? "Vote for me, and you'll be in and out of the cafeteria like a ninja on a snack mission!
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The way they talk about inclusivity, you'd think they were planning the ultimate high school mixer. "Vote for me, and I promise every club will have a seat at the cool kids' table.
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They talk about unity, but the only thing uniting us is the collective eye-roll when someone mentions "school spirit." I'm pretty sure school spirit is just caffeine disguised as pep rallies.
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