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You ever notice how running for high school president is like entering a miniature version of the Hunger Games? I mean, there's less archery, but the drama is just as intense. You've got these candidates making promises like they're running for the presidency of the entire universe. "Free pizza every Friday! Longer recess! No homework, ever!" I'm sitting there thinking, "Can we start with just having decent cafeteria food?" And then there's the campaigning. Suddenly, everyone's a political strategist. "Kissing babies? Nah, that's old school. I'm gonna give out free Wi-Fi passwords!" I don't know about you, but I'd vote for someone who could actually fix the Wi-Fi, not just hand out the password. It's like they're preparing us for the disappointment of real politics from an early age.
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Can we talk about campaign posters for a moment? These candidates treat their posters like they're auditioning for an art gallery. I saw one that had more glitter and sparkles than a unicorn sneezed on it. And then there's the classic "Vote for me, and I'll make high school great again" slogan. I'm sorry, did I miss the era when high school was ever great? Last I checked, it was a survival of the fittest with acne and awkwardness. But the real question is, do these posters actually sway votes? Are there people walking down the hallway thinking, "You know, I was on the fence about Sarah, but that glitter poster really sealed the deal"? If that's the case, we might need to rethink our democracy.
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After the election, there's always that one person who takes losing way too seriously. They're walking around like they just lost a real presidential race. You'll see them in the hallway, and they'll give you that look of defeat, like they've been through war and back. Dude, it's high school president, not the end of the world. I didn't even know we had a president until last week. And then there's the winner, walking around with a newfound swagger, like they just conquered the universe. They start using phrases like "my administration" and "policy changes." Meanwhile, the only policy change I care about is getting better snacks in the vending machines.
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Speech day is the pinnacle of the high school election chaos. Candidates get up there, trying to out-promise each other. It's like a competition of who can make the grandest commitment without any intention of actually delivering. "Vote for me, and I'll make sure every day is a snow day!" Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. We live in Southern California; the closest we get to snow is shaved ice from the cafeteria. But the best part is when they start talking about unity. "I will unite this school like never before!" It's high school, not the United Nations. Last time I checked, we're not resolving global conflicts in the cafeteria over sloppy joes. If you can unite the math geeks with the drama club, you deserve the presidency.
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