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You ever notice how everything nowadays is rated PG? I mean, even my morning coffee seems like it's got a rating. I'm waiting for the barista to hand me my cup and go, "Here's your latte, sir. Rated PG for mild foam violence and suggestive coffee bean themes." And let's talk about movies. Remember the good old days when we had R-rated movies? Now, it's all about being family-friendly. I watched a PG movie the other day, and the most intense moment was when the protagonist had to choose between almond milk or soy milk for their latte. I was on the edge of my seat, thinking, "Just pick one already, we've got kids watching!
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Kids these days are so tech-savvy. I asked my nephew what he wanted for his birthday, and he said, "Uncle, just get me a tablet." I thought, "Back in my day, we played with sticks and rocks, not iPads worth more than my car!" And don't get me started on video games. My niece plays this game where she takes care of a virtual pet. I said, "Sweetie, I had a real pet. It was called a Tamagotchi, and I killed it three times because I forgot to feed it. Your digital cat has it easy.
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Being an adult is tough. They never told us that part. You get excited about buying a new vacuum cleaner. I walked into the store like, "Yeah, this one has a self-retracting cord! Take my money!" And let's talk about cooking. I tried making a gourmet meal the other day. I burnt the water. Didn't even know that was possible. My smoke alarm applauded me for my culinary skills.
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I decided to be a handyman recently. You know, fix things around the house. I tried to install a new light fixture. It ended up looking like modern art. I call it "The Abstract Chandelier of Despair." And don't even get me started on assembling furniture. The instruction manual might as well be written in hieroglyphics. I put a bookshelf together, and now it leans like it's trying to impress the Tower of Pisa. I call it "The Leaning Tower of Shelf-a.
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