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You ever accidentally make eye contact with someone while eating a banana and immediately feel like you've committed a breakfast felony? It's like, "No, I swear, I'm not trying to be provocative; it's just a fruit!
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Why is it that the weather forecast on your phone is never accurate? I mean, I don't need a meteorologist; I need a psychic who can tell me if I should bring an umbrella or build an ark.
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I love how we pretend to know what to do with our hands during group photos. It's like, do I wave awkwardly, form a heart, or risk the classic thumbs up? I usually end up looking like a confused game show contestant signaling for a lifeline.
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Laundry day is like a magical day where you suddenly realize you have way too many mismatched socks. I mean, where do they all go? Do they run away to join a secret society of rebellious socks, plotting their escape from the mundane life of feet?
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Why do we call it a "shortcut" when taking an unfamiliar route? Half the time, I end up lost and arrive even later than if I just stuck to the regular road. Should've called it a "longcut," but I guess that doesn't sound as appealing.
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Ever notice how elevator small talk is the most forced conversation ever? "Hey, going up?" "Yep, just like this elevator, slowly but surely." And then you both stand there, regretting the moment you decided to be friendly.
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You ever notice how alarm clocks are basically reverse roosters? I mean, instead of waking you up with a cheerful "cock-a-doodle-doo," they scream at you like, "Get up! It's time to face the day... whether you like it or not!
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The "open here" on a cereal box is like a challenge. It's like they're saying, "Sure, you think you're strong, but can you open me correctly on the first try without sending cereal flying across the kitchen?
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Trying to find a parking spot in a crowded lot is like participating in a real-life game of musical chairs, except the music is your frustration escalating, and the chairs are elusive spaces for your car. And no one wins in this game – you just hope you don't end up circling forever.
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