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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
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What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
Rated PG – Panda Gifts
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I bought my girlfriend a giant panda-shaped pillow because it was rated PG – Panda Gifts. Little did I know, it takes up half the bed, and now I'm sleeping on the couch because the panda has claimed its territory. It turns out, pandas are not just endangered species; they're also relationship-endangered species.
Rated PG – Procrastinator's Guide
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I recently bought a self-help book titled Procrastination: The Rated PG Guide to Getting Things Done Eventually. I haven't finished reading it yet, though. It's on my to-do list, right after watching every cat video on the internet and trying to break the record for consecutive hours spent in pajamas.
Rated PG – Pet Guesswork
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I've got a cat, and I swear understanding his moods is like decoding a movie rated PG – Pet Guesswork. One minute, he's purring like he just won the lottery, and the next, he's giving me the cold shoulder like I forgot his birthday. Maybe I should get him a tiny cat calendar so he can mark the days I disappoint him.
Rated PG – Grocery Store Drama
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Have you ever been stuck behind someone at the grocery store who's paying with a check? It's like a scene from a movie rated PG – Peculiar Granny. I'm there trying to buy my kale chips and organic hummus, and Granny's writing a check like it's the Magna Carta. I haven't seen someone take that long to pay since my college roommate tried to split a bill 27 ways.
Rated PG – Prodigy Grandkids
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My grandkids are so tech-savvy; they make me feel like I'm in a movie rated PG – Prodigy Grandkids. They start coding before they can even tie their shoes. Meanwhile, I struggle to program the microwave. Is it just me, or did it just beep Morse code for 'your leftovers are now officially a science experiment'?
Rated PG – Perplexed Grandparents
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Have you ever tried explaining technology to your grandparents? It's like narrating a sci-fi movie, rated PG for Perplexed Grandparents. My grandma still thinks emojis are hieroglyphics, and she's convinced that sending a text is like launching a rocket into space. Back in my day, we just waved at each other from across the street. Much simpler.
Rated PG – Parenting Gamble
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Parenting is a gamble; you never know what you're going to get. It's like a movie rated PG – Parenting Gamble. I asked my kid what he wanted for dinner, and he said candy. I suggested something healthy, and he looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I think I'll start a parenting advice hotline, where the first tip is to invest in earplugs and chocolate.
Rated PG – The Parental Guidance Paranoia
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So, I recently noticed movies are rated PG, you know, for Parental Guidance. But honestly, if parents had any idea how many times I've asked Siri for parenting advice, they'd start rating my life PG too. Siri's my new co-parent; she even has an Australian accent to make bedtime stories more exotic. Crikey, mate, the kangaroo hopped into the sunset. Now, go to sleep, little one.
Rated PG – Pizza Guilt
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I ordered a pizza the other day, and the delivery guy gave me a look like I was betraying my diet. I felt like I was in a movie rated PG – Pizza Guilt. He handed me the box with a judgmental stare, and I almost expected him to say, Enjoy your cheesy sins, sir. I didn't know pizza delivery came with a side of shame.
Rated PG – Perils of Gardening
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I decided to take up gardening, and let me tell you, my plants are living in a movie rated PG – Perils of Gardening. I talk to them every day, but it's more like a motivational speech about how they need to survive because I'm terrible at keeping things alive. If my plants could rate me on a gardening app, I'd probably get a solid 2 out of 5 leaves.
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