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You ever notice how people talk about the rapture like it's the ultimate VIP event? I mean, is there a velvet rope in heaven, and St. Peter's checking the guest list like, "Sorry, you're not on the list – no eternal salvation for you!
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I hope during the rapture, there's an option for a dramatic exit. Like, instead of just floating upwards, you can do a backflip or a somersault. Make it a grand finale, you know?
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I was reading about the rapture the other day, and I couldn't help but think, "What if it already happened, and the angels just forgot to send us the memo?" I guess my invitation to the afterlife got lost in the heavenly mail.
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The rapture is like the original surprise party. Imagine being left behind and everyone you know is just gone. Talk about a celestial "gotcha!" I hope there's at least a parting gift basket with some heavenly snacks.
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The rapture has got to be the ultimate ghosting. Imagine being on a date, and your date just ascends to heaven without saying a word. That's a whole new level of "I'm just not that into you.
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The rapture must be like the world's largest game of hide and seek. Imagine God counting to ten, and we're all desperately trying to find a good hiding spot. Spoiler alert: He always finds you.
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The rapture is the ultimate road trip. I can picture it now – a celestial carpool with angels as your co-pilots. Just make sure you're not the one stuck with the aux cable playing heavenly harp music the whole way.
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I bet the rapture has some strict baggage restrictions. "Sorry, you can't bring your emotional baggage – leave it behind or take the scenic route through purgatory." It's the ultimate spiritual carry-on challenge.
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I was wondering if, during the rapture, there's a divine dress code. Are there angels at the gate judging you like, "Mmm, sorry, but white robes are so last millennium – you can't enter in those!
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