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I went to a birthday party for a woman turning 72, and the highlight of the evening was when she busted out her phone and started live-tweeting the party. I didn't know whether to clap for her tech-savvy skills or request a tutorial on emojis.
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At 70, every day is a surprise party because you never know if you'll remember where you put your keys. I asked my grandma how she deals with it, and she said, "Just call them magical disappearing wands – it makes losing them sound more exciting.
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I recently attended a birthday party for a woman turning 75. The highlight of the night was when she showed us her dance moves. Not gonna lie, her interpretation of the "twist" looked more like she was trying to avoid stepping on a Lego.
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I asked my friend's grandma what her secret was to living past 70. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Honey, it's all about selectively forgetting. I forget where I put my glasses every day, but I never forget where the chocolate stash is!
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Ever notice how women over 70 give the most practical gifts? Forget about fancy gadgets; they're all about giving you stuff that lasts. Last year, I got a set of Tupperware that's practically indestructible. Forget nuclear fallout; my leftovers are safe for centuries.
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My grandma has this incredible talent for haggling. She went to buy a birthday cake, and by the time she was done negotiating, they were paying her to take it home. I guess turning 70 comes with a side of excellent bargaining skills.
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I asked a woman in her 80s what it feels like to be older, and she said, "It's like having a superpower. I can say whatever I want, and people just smile and nod, thinking, 'She's from a different era, let her be.'
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You know you're hanging out with someone over 70 when their idea of a wild night involves a game of Bingo and some herbal tea. Forget about the clubs; they're hitting the bingo halls, dabbing their way to glory.
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You know you're at a party for someone over 70 when the main course is served at 4:30 PM. Dinner, dessert, and an early bedtime – the triple threat of senior soirées.
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