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You ever notice how taking an Uber is like getting in a car with a complete stranger and pretending it's totally normal? I mean, you wouldn't hop into some random person's car on the street, but when there's an Uber sticker on the windshield, suddenly it's like, "Sure, let's go on a mystery ride with Steve!" And what's with those Uber ratings? It's like being back in school, anxiously waiting for your report card. I’m always trying to be the perfect passenger. I sit quietly, avoid eye contact, and I even perfected the fake phone call to avoid any awkward conversations. But then, one day, my driver tells me, "You know, I can hear you when you're pretending to talk on the phone." Well, there goes my five-star rating!
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Have you ever experienced the awkward silence in an Uber that's so thick you could cut it with a butter knife? It's like you're in a silent movie, and the only soundtrack is the hum of the engine and the occasional cough. You're sitting there, scrolling through your phone, pretending you're not two strangers avoiding eye contact in a metal box. I tried breaking the ice once. I said to my driver, "Hey, how about this weather?" And he looks at me deadpan and says, "I'm not a weatherman." Well, excuse me, sir! I was just trying to create some conversational sunshine in this awkward storm.
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You ever get an Uber driver who's determined to chat with you, but it's like they're speaking a different language? I had this one driver who asked me, "So, what do you do for a living?" I said, "I'm a software engineer." And he goes, "Ah, yes, the spaghetti maker!" I'm sitting there thinking, "Did I miss the memo? Did Silicon Valley switch from coding to pasta production?" And then there are those moments when the GPS becomes the enemy. My driver is staring at the map, completely lost, and I'm in the backseat trying to act like I know the way. "Oh, you're taking a shortcut through this alley? Yeah, I totally would have gone this way, too. Solid choice, my friend!
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Taking an Uber is like embarking on a mini-adventure every time. I had a driver who thought he was auditioning for a Fast and Furious movie. I swear he was dodging traffic like Vin Diesel. I was in the backseat gripping onto the "oh crap" handle for dear life, thinking, "I just wanted to go to the grocery store, not audition for Tokyo Drift 2!" And then there's the rating anxiety. After a ride, I spend the next 10 minutes analyzing my behavior like I'm in a courtroom. "Did I say thank you enough? Did I close the door too hard? Should I have tipped more?" It's like I'm on trial for the crime of being a passenger.
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