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Joke Types
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What did the pastor say to the coffee? 'You better be ready for the daily grind!
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What's the pastor's favorite game? Bibleopoly—where the only way to win is through salvation!
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Why did the pastor get a ticket? He was caught exceeding the sermon speed limit!
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What did the pastor say to the noisy lawnmower? 'Can you keep it down? I'm trying to have a little grass time!
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Why don't pastors ever play hide and seek? Because good shepherds are hard to find!
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Why did the pastor bring a ladder to the sermon? Because he wanted to take his preaching to a higher level!
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The pastor's favorite exercise? Cross-fit—it's good for the spirit and the absolution!
The Pastor's Playlist
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I recently found out that our pastor has a secret talent—he's a DJ on the side. I walked into church one day, and instead of the usual hymns, he was spinning some sick beats. I thought I was at a rave for a moment. I guess when they say, Let the spirit move you, they mean on the dance floor.
Divine Comedy
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I asked the pastor if he ever thought about doing stand-up. He said, Well, every Sunday is an open mic for me. I guess when your audience is a mix of people half-asleep and kids sneaking snacks, you've got to bring your A-game. It's like doing comedy in a library, but with more judgmental stares.
Holy WiFi
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Our church recently upgraded its technology, and now we have Wi-Fi during the service. The pastor said it's to help us connect better. I didn't realize connecting with God required a strong Wi-Fi signal. I mean, does heaven have good Wi-Fi too? Can I get a heavenly hotspot?
Holy Snacks
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Our church started a new tradition: snack time during the sermon. I'm not kidding; they pass around baskets of chips and cookies. It's like they knew we needed some divine intervention to get through the pastor's three-hour sermons. Can I get an amen for Oreos?
Holy Laughter
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You ever notice how every pastor has that one joke they sneak into their sermons? Like, they're up there talking about redemption, and then suddenly, BAM, a punchline about a priest and a rabbi walks into a bar. I guess even God has a sense of humor, but I didn't realize salvation came with a two-drink minimum.
Heavenly Ratings
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I heard our pastor has a Yelp page now. People can leave reviews about the sermons. I'm just waiting for the day someone gives him one star and writes, Sermon was too long, and the snacks were stale. Maybe he'll start doing crowd work during communion to boost those ratings.
Holy Waterpark
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Our pastor announced they're building a waterpark next to the church. I thought, finally, a baptismal font big enough for a cannonball. I can't wait for the day we have a sermon on the wave pool. If you really want to feel the Holy Spirit, just ride the waterslide.
Miracle Merchandise
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Our pastor started selling merchandise – T-shirts, mugs, the whole shebang. I bought a shirt that says, I survived a three-hour sermon, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. It's like a holy souvenir, a badge of honor for enduring the comedic stylings of our pastor.
Sermon Bingo
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I found out our pastor has a side hustle – he hosts Sermon Bingo every Sunday. We get bingo cards with classic sermon phrases like fire and brimstone and love thy neighbor. If you get five in a row, you yell, Hallelujah! I never knew salvation could be so competitive.
Divine Discounts
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You know you're in a small town when the pastor also doubles as the local coupon distributor. Last Sunday, instead of the usual communion, he handed out coupons for the grocery store. I guess now we can get a discount on our sins and groceries at the same time – two birds, one sermon.
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