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Pastors are the only people who can make small talk with God sound like the most fascinating conversation ever. Meanwhile, I'm over here struggling to find interesting things to say during awkward elevator rides.
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Pastors are like the original hype men. They can turn a regular story into an epic battle between good and evil. I tried that once at a dinner party, but all I got was weird looks and someone asking for the salt.
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Have you ever tried to stay awake during a long sermon? It's like a battle against the Sandman, and the pastor knows all the tricks. They throw in a sudden loud amen or a passionate wave of the hand just when you're about to lose the fight. It's like divine caffeine.
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Pastors have the most intense handshakes, right? It's like they're auditioning for a role in a superhero movie, and their secret power is transferring divine energy through a firm grip. I'm just over here hoping they don't have a future in professional arm wrestling.
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Pastors always seem to know when you've missed a Sunday. It's like they have a spiritual GPS tracking system. You walk in, and they give you that look, as if to say, "Nice try, but God and I saw you binge-watching Netflix last week.
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Ever notice how pastors have a sixth sense for spotting a potential volunteer? You're just casually sitting there, minding your own business, and suddenly they lock eyes with you like, "I see you have free time on your hands." It's like they're the volunteer recruiters of the divine.
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Why do pastors have the power to make us feel guilty for not reading the entire Bible in a week? I mean, I can't even finish a novel in a month without getting distracted by memes and cat videos. Baby steps, pastor, baby steps.
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You ever notice how pastors have this incredible ability to make eye contact with everyone in the congregation during a sermon? It's like they're playing spiritual bingo, and the winner gets an extra blessing after the service.
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Pastors have this incredible ability to remember everyone's name in the congregation. Meanwhile, I can't even remember where I left my keys half the time. Maybe they should host memory improvement workshops after service.
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