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You ever notice how cooking shows make everything seem so exciting? I was watching one the other day, and the chef was like, "I'm so stoked to be making this dish." Really? It's just pasta with tomato sauce. Save the excitement for when you successfully order takeout. But people take it to a whole new level. You invite someone over, and they're like, "I'm stoked to cook for you!" Now, I appreciate the effort, but let's not pretend this is a Michelin-starred restaurant. It's more like a culinary episode of Survivor – will we survive the homemade curry?
And then there's the obsession with fancy ingredients. "I'm stoked to use this truffle-infused olive oil." Meanwhile, I'm just happy if I can find the regular olive oil in my kitchen. Truffle-infused? My kitchen is infused with the scent of desperation and a dash of mild panic.
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You ever notice how people get overly enthusiastic about going to the gym? They're like, "I'm stoked for my workout today!" Really? I'm stoked for a nap, not a session with the elliptical. And then there's the whole culture of fitness influencers. They're stoked to share their workout routines like it's the secret to eternal life. "Just did 100 burpees – feeling stoked!" I do one burpee, and I feel like I need a week-long nap and a massage.
But the gym equipment is a whole other story. People act like they just won the lottery when they find an open treadmill. "Yes, it's my lucky day!" I'm over here hoping the elevator is working because I'm not stoked for the stairs after leg day.
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You ever notice how everyone is always stoked for the weekend? It's like the weekend is the Beyoncé of the week – everyone's crazy about it. People start counting down on Monday, "Only five days until I'm stoked for the weekend!" It's like we're all living for those two days of freedom. But here's the thing – the weekend comes, and what happens? You blink, and it's Sunday night. Suddenly you're staring at your life choices and questioning why you didn't start that home improvement project you were so stoked about on Friday. I guess I'll just be stoked for next weekend instead.
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You ever notice how people these days are always saying they're "stoked"? I mean, seriously, is everyone a surfer now? I asked my friend the other day how he was doing, and he goes, "Dude, I'm totally stoked!" I'm like, "Are you catching a wave or just commuting to work?" But you know what really gets me? People getting stoked about technology. I mean, I get it, smartphones are cool and all, but people act like they just discovered fire. "Dude, have you seen this new app? I'm so stoked to use it!" I'm like, "Bro, it's a calendar app, not a trip to Disneyland. Calm down!"
And don't get me started on virtual reality. People are stoked to put on those VR headsets and enter a whole new world. Meanwhile, I'm just trying not to trip over the coffee table in my actual living room. I don't need a virtual world; I need a virtual cleaning service for my apartment.
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