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Have you ever tried watching a Stallone movie with subtitles? It's like trying to read Shakespeare during a boxing match. "To be or not to be, Yo Adrian!
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I bet Stallone's voicemail greeting is just him yelling motivational quotes. "Hey, it's Sly! Leave a message, and remember, it's not about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!
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Stallone's hair in the '80s was like a character of its own. I mean, if that hair could talk, it would probably say, "Yo, Adrian, tell the wind to take a hike, I'm in control here!
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In Stallone movies, he's always taking on the toughest challenges. Meanwhile, my biggest challenge is trying to find matching socks after doing laundry.
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Stallone must have the most intense grocery shopping experience. I can picture him in the cereal aisle, eyeing a box of Frosted Flakes like, "Adrian, we did it. We found the breakfast of champions.
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Stallone's workout routine is legendary. Meanwhile, I'm over here winded after climbing a flight of stairs. I need a Rocky montage just to get through my day.
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Stallone's action scenes are so over the top. I tried reenacting one in my living room, and let's just say, my furniture didn't appreciate the method acting.
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You ever notice how Stallone's characters always have these epic training sequences? I tried doing push-ups once while eating a bag of chips, but I don't think that counts as training for anything other than a snack marathon.
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You ever notice how Sylvester Stallone's characters always manage to come up with these incredibly detailed plans in the middle of chaos? I can't even decide what to have for breakfast without contemplating the meaning of life.
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