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I asked my doctor if I should cut down on drinking. He said, 'It's not about cutting down, it's about sobering up.' I thought he was a doctor, not a poet!
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I don't drink because I want to stay sober. I drink because I want to hear my liver scream in Morse code.
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I don't need a designated driver. I need a designated sober person to remind me why I don't need a designated driver!
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I'm not saying I'm sober, but I can't remember the last time I had a hangover. Wait, what were we talking about again?
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Why did the sober person refuse to play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you're the only one not seeing double!
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