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You ever notice how traffic lights can be semi-logical? I mean, green means go, red means stop – that's straightforward. But then we throw in yellow, and suddenly it's a traffic light midlife crisis. Yellow is like the indecisive friend of the traffic light family. "Should I stay or should I go?" It's like the traffic light is giving you a warning, but it's not fully committed. "Hey, maybe stop, or perhaps speed up, I don't know, figure it out!"
And don't even get me started on those lights with a flashing green arrow. What is that, a semi-turn signal? Is it telling me to turn left or just casually suggesting it as an option?
I want traffic lights that are decisive and sure of themselves. No more of this semi-confusing, wishy-washy behavior. Give me the green light, red light, and let's keep the traffic dance simple and clear.
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Let's talk about those moments in life that are just semi-successful. You know what I mean? Like when you're parallel parking, and you're not sure if you nailed it or if you're just semi-parallel. You get out of the car, and people are looking at you like, "Is this guy parking or doing interpretive dance with his vehicle?" Or what about relationships? You have those semi-flirty conversations where you're not sure if you're hitting it off or if the other person is just being polite. "Are we connecting, or are they just being semi-socially responsible?"
And don't even get me started on cooking. You follow a recipe, but your dish turns out semi-tasty. It's like, "Congratulations, you've successfully made something edible, but only kinda." I want a full successful experience, not this semi-successful nonsense.
Life shouldn't be a series of semi-colons. It should be an exclamation point! Let's go all in, people.
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We live in a world where everyone is a semi-professional photographer thanks to smartphones. But have you ever tried to take a selfie with a group of friends? It's like organizing a military operation. First, you have the negotiations: "I want to look cute in this one, so let me be in the center." Then there's the issue of arm length. Some people have semi-elastic arms, and others are stuck with T-Rex arms, trying to fit into the frame.
And let's not forget about the lighting. It's always a battle between being semi-lit or having shadows that make you look like you're auditioning for a horror movie. "Is this a selfie or a séance?"
I miss the good old days when you asked a stranger to take your picture, and it was either a hit or miss. Now it's a group effort with a semi-professional photoshoot vibe. Can't we just take a picture without turning it into a semi-staged production?
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You know, the word "semi" has been ruining things for people for a long time. Semi-trucks, semi-formal events, semi-skimmed milk - it's like we're living in a world where everything is only halfway committed to being awesome. I mean, semi-trucks are on the road, taking up two lanes, thinking they own the place. It's like, pick a lane, buddy! Are you a truck or a moving roadblock? And don't get me started on semi-formal events. What does that even mean? "Hey, dress up, but not too much. We want you to look nice, but not 'rent-a-tuxedo' nice."
And then there's semi-skimmed milk. Who came up with that idea? "I want my milk to be kinda healthy, but not really." It's like the milk is going through an identity crisis. It doesn't want to be full-fat, but it's not ready to commit to being water with a hint of cow either.
Life is already complicated, and then we have all these things going halfway. Can't we just have some full commitment? I want a truck that's fully committed to being a truck, events that are either casual or black-tie, and milk that knows if it's whole or not. None of this semi-nonsense.
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