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You ever heard of this phenomenon called "pre-tees"? It's like the terrible twos, but with a sneak preview. You know, when your kid is not quite a teenager yet, but you can already see the storm brewing on the horizon. It's like watching a trailer for a horror movie, and you're thinking, "Do I really want to be a part of this production?" My daughter, she's in the pre-tees phase right now. It's like dealing with a tiny lawyer who argues about everything. The other day, she came up to me and said, "Dad, I need my own space." I'm like, "Sweetheart, you're six. You can't even spell 'space.'" But you know what? I gave her a little corner in the living room, put a sign that says "Private Zone," and now she charges me an entrance fee to come in. It's like living with a tiny landlord.
And don't even get me started on fashion. Apparently, there's a strict pre-teen dress code that I was not aware of. She looks at me and goes, "Dad, you can't wear that. It's not cool." I'm like, "What do you mean? I was cool once. I used to be cool!" Now, I have to consult my daughter before leaving the house to make sure I meet her high pre-teen fashion standards. It's like having my own personal fashion police at home.
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I've started making predictions about the future based on my daughter's pre-teen behavior. I'm convinced she's going to be a lawyer because of her argumentative skills. She can debate about bedtime for hours. I'll be presenting my case for an early bedtime, and she counters with a filibuster about how unfair life is. It's like living with a tiny courtroom drama every night. And then there's the fashion career. With her critique of my wardrobe, I'm thinking she might become a fashion designer. Move over, Project Runway; we've got Project Dad's Closet happening right here.
But my favorite prediction is that she'll be a stand-up comedian herself one day. She's already got the eye-rolling and the knack for finding the humor in everyday situations. I can see it now, a mother-daughter comedy duo, touring the world, making people laugh about the joys and challenges of the pre-teen years. Who knows, maybe she'll even write my jokes for me by then.
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Living with a pre-teen is like living in a world with its own set of rules. It's like there's a secret pre-teen code of conduct that only they understand. For example, apparently, it's against the pre-teen law to answer a question directly. You ask, "How was school?" and you get a cryptic response like, "It was fine." Fine? What does that even mean in pre-teen language? And then there's the issue of privacy. I knock on her door, and it's like I'm interrupting a top-secret mission. She's hiding something, but I can't quite figure out what it is. I'm tempted to install a security camera just to keep up with her covert operations. I bet she has a pre-teen spy network.
But the most baffling rule of all is the constant need for validation on social media. I didn't even have a phone at her age, and she's already worried about how many likes she gets on her drawings. I'm like, "Sweetheart, in my time, the only validation we needed was a gold star on our homework.
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So, we're in the pre-tees phase, and I'm trying to navigate this minefield of emotions and attitudes. One day, my daughter comes to me with a very serious face and says, "Dad, we need to talk." Now, any parent knows that those words are the prelude to something big. I'm thinking, "Oh no, is it about boys? Is it about school? Did she find out I ate the last piece of chocolate?" But no, it's even more dramatic than that. She looks at me and says, "Dad, you're embarrassing." I'm like, "Excuse me? I'm the king of dad jokes. Embarrassing is my middle name!" Apparently, though, my jokes are not up to pre-teen standards. I'm outdated, out of touch. It's like being in a comedy club where no one laughs, except it's my own living room.
And then there's the eye-rolling. I didn't know it was physically possible for someone to roll their eyes that much. I'll tell a joke, and it's like I just insulted her favorite celebrity. Eye-rolling should be an Olympic sport, and my daughter would take home the gold.
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