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Joke Types
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Why did the doctor always carry a red marker? In case they needed to draw blood, it's the write tool for the job!
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Why did the doctor carry a red and a blue pen? In case they needed to draw blood or give a patient the 'write' prescription!
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Why did the doctor bring a ladder to work? Patients needed a higher level of care!
Prescription Predicament
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Ever notice how doctors' handwriting is like a secret code? I feel like I need a Rosetta Stone just to decipher if I'm taking one pill twice a day or performing interpretive dance in the moonlight. I'm pretty sure my pharmacist moonlights as a detective because she spends hours trying to decode the doctor's prescription hieroglyphics.
Medical Jargon Jamboree
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Doctors love using complicated medical jargon, right? They throw around terms like hyperlipidemia and gastroesophageal reflux disease just to keep us on our toes. I'm convinced they have a medical thesaurus and pick the most challenging words just to see if we're paying attention.
Scale Scuffles
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You know you're in for an awkward time when the doctor's office has that scale in the corner. I always feel like it's judging me, silently whispering, You had one job: stay away from the cookies. I propose a new type of scale—one that compliments you for resisting the urge to eat the entire cake.
The Doctor's Toolbox
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Doctors love gadgets, don't they? They enter the room with a stethoscope, a reflex hammer, and a penlight, like they're about to perform a magic trick. I'm half expecting them to pull a rabbit out of their lab coat pocket. Ta-da! Your cholesterol is normal, and here's a bunny!
Medical TV Mysteries
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You ever watch medical dramas on TV? They make being a doctor seem so glamorous. In real life, I'm pretty sure doctors spend more time filling out paperwork than saving lives. I want a medical drama that accurately depicts a doctor binge-eating snacks while trying to decipher their colleague's handwriting. Now that's a show I'd watch!
Doctor Drama
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You ever notice how medical doctors are like the superheroes of the real world? But instead of capes, they wear those white coats that somehow manage to stay pristine despite the chaos of a hospital. I mean, if I wore white to work, I'd look like a walking coffee stain.
Medical Bill Mayhem
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Ever get a medical bill that looks like it's written in a foreign language? I got one the other day that made me question if I accidentally funded a research expedition to the North Pole. I can't afford a trip to the doctor, let alone an adventure to the Arctic Circle!
Doctor's Orders
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Doctors always give you the same advice: Eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. I'm starting to think they're secretly in cahoots with the mattress industry because every time I visit, they're essentially saying, Take two veggies and call me in the morning after a good night's sleep on this overpriced mattress.
Waiting Room Wonders
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Doctors love to keep you waiting, don't they? You schedule an appointment for 10 AM, show up on time, and then sit in the waiting room like you're auditioning for a role in a very slow-paced play. I'm starting to think they have a competition going on back there, like, Who can make their patients wait the longest without causing a riot?
WebMD Woes
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I recently diagnosed myself using WebMD. Turns out, I have a rare condition called Internet Hypochondria. It's when you convince yourself you're dying because you have a headache and Google says it's either a brain tumor or a mild case of dehydration. Thanks, Dr. Google, for turning my sniffles into a scene from Grey's Anatomy.
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