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It's funny how doctors always ask about your diet but then act surprised when you tell them you eat three cheeseburgers a day. "Doc, I thought you said honesty is the best policy!
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Doctors must have a sixth sense for when you're about to Google your symptoms. I swear, the moment I start typing, "Why does my..." into the search bar, my doctor's office calls to schedule an appointment. It's like they have a Google alert for hypochondriacs.
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Doctors love to use complicated medical terms just to sound smart. I went to my doctor, and he started throwing around words like "hyperlipidemia" and "hypertension." I'm just sitting there thinking, "Doc, can you use words I can Google without feeling like I'm translating an alien language?
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You know you've been seeing the same doctor for too long when you start discussing your weekend plans during a prostate exam. "Yeah, Doc, thinking of hitting the golf course on Saturday. What about you?
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Doctors always ask you to rate your pain on a scale from one to ten. I never know how to answer that. Can I use emojis instead? "Doc, I'm feeling like a solid 😖 with a hint of 🤕.
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Why do doctors have the worst magazines in their waiting rooms? I don't want to read a three-year-old issue of "Better Homes and Gardens" while I'm waiting to be diagnosed. Give me something exciting, like "Extreme Medical Procedures Monthly.
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Have you ever noticed how doctors have the most unreadable handwriting on the planet? I feel like I'm deciphering ancient hieroglyphics every time I get a prescription. I went to the pharmacy the other day with a prescription, and the pharmacist handed me a Rosetta Stone just to figure out what I was supposed to take.
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You know you're getting old when you have a doctor who looks like they just graduated high school. I walked into my last appointment, and the doctor looked like they were on a field trip from the pediatrician's office. I half expected them to ask if I wanted a lollipop after the examination.
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Doctors must be trained to have a superhuman sense of time. You walk into the waiting room, and suddenly time goes into warp speed. I swear, I sat down for a minute, and when I looked up, they were calling my name like they had a TARDIS hidden in the back.
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