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What did the meat lover say when they won the lottery? 'I'm going to have a rare and well-done celebration!
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Why did the meat eater become a gardener? They wanted to raise the steaks!
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What did the meat lover say to the vegetable? 'Lettuce meat!' But the veggie replied, 'You're barking up the wrong broccoli!
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Why did the steak break up with the potato? It thought the potato was too mashed up in its affairs!
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Why did the meat eater bring a ladder to the barbecue? Because they wanted to reach the top sirloin!
Vegetarian Escape Plan
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I tried going vegetarian once. It lasted about as long as a salad at a barbecue. I had this whole escape plan to sneak some veggies onto my plate. I'd distract the meat eaters with a fake fire drill, and when they were all outside, I'd smuggle in a carrot. It didn't work. They caught me orange-handed.
Meat Lovers vs. Plant Lovers
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You know, there's always this tension between meat lovers and plant lovers. It's like the Hatfields and McCoys of the dinner table. Meat lovers are there with their T-bone steaks, and plant lovers are giving them the evil eye while they munch on kale. I tried playing peacemaker once by serving tofu shaped like a drumstick. Let's just say it didn't bring about world peace.
Meat Sweats Dilemma
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You ever get those meat sweats after a barbecue? It's like your body is trying to grill itself from the inside. I tried explaining it to my doctor, and he just said, Maybe eat a salad next time. Salad? That's just a fancy garnish for my steak!
Bacon Philosophy
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Bacon is like the philosopher of the meat world. It makes everything better and has this deep, smoky wisdom. I tried explaining this to my vegetarian friend, and she just rolled her eyes. But deep down, I think I saw a hint of bacon envy.
Grilled Cheese Intervention
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My friends staged an intervention for me because they said I ate too much grilled cheese. I told them it's not an addiction; it's a lifestyle. I even brought a grilled cheese sandwich to the intervention. It was awkward when I pulled it out of my pocket, but you can't argue with a good grilled cheese.
Meat Eaters Anonymous
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You ever hear about these support groups for meat eaters? Yeah, they call it 'Meat Eaters Anonymous.' It's like, Hi, my name is Dave, and I'm addicted to bacon. And everyone responds, Hi, Dave! I tried joining, but they kicked me out because I brought beef jerky as my snack. Apparently, that's a trigger food.
Meat Emoji Problems
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I texted my friend the other day, asking if he wanted to grab dinner. He replied with a meat emoji. Now, I don't know about you, but that's not very helpful. Is he suggesting a barbecue, a burger joint, or did he just learn a new dance move called the Chicken Wing? I'm so confused.
The Salad Conspiracy
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I suspect salads are plotting something against us. Every time I order one, it looks at me like, You thought you could escape the meat, didn't you? I can almost hear it whispering, You'll be back for a burger in no time. I'm starting to think the lettuce is in cahoots with the carnivores.
Steakhouse Confessions
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I went to a fancy steakhouse the other day, and they had this special where they tell you the life story of the cow you're about to eat. I'm sitting there like, Do I really want to know if Bessie enjoyed long walks in the pasture? I just want to eat my steak without an existential crisis, thank you very much.
The Veggie Rebellion
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Vegetables have this secret society; I'm convinced. They're plotting a rebellion against us meat eaters. One day, I opened my fridge, and the broccoli was whispering, We outnumber them, comrades. I swear, if I see a carrot leading a protest outside my window, I won't be surprised.
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