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Meat eaters love to show off their carnivorous pride with those "I Love Meat" bumper stickers. I'm thinking of getting one that says, "I Love Plants," just to balance things out. But then I remember, plants don't have a marketing team. Maybe I'll stick to stickers that say, "I Tolerate Tofu.
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Ever notice how meat eaters have this mystical ability to identify every type of meat blindfolded? They'll take a bite and be like, "Mmm, that's definitely a 3-year-old grass-fed, free-range, organic, happy cow." Meanwhile, I can't even tell the difference between regular and decaf coffee.
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Meat eaters and their barbecue rituals are like a sacred dance. It's a full-on production with the grill as the stage, and they're the pitmasters, flipping burgers like they're performing a culinary ballet. Meanwhile, I'm just in the corner grilling my tofu, feeling like I'm at the wrong dance rehearsal.
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Have you ever noticed that meat eaters always want to convert you? It's like they're on a mission to save your taste buds. They'll be like, "Try this bacon-wrapped everything," and you're just there thinking, "I'm good with my kale, thanks. No need for a bacon intervention.
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Meat eaters and their obsession with bacon-wrapped everything is next level. I'm waiting for the day they announce a bacon-wrapped bacon festival. Meanwhile, us vegetarians will be hosting a kale and quinoa appreciation day – it's not as catchy, but it's definitely healthier.
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Meat eaters have a special relationship with bacon. It's like their version of a love affair. They put it in everything, from salads to desserts. I'm just waiting for the day they start handing out bacon-scented cologne, so you can smell irresistible and heart-attack-inducing at the same time.
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You ever notice how meat eaters always have this secret handshake? It's like, "Hey, did you have a steak last night?" And they give each other this subtle nod, like they're part of some exclusive carnivore club. Meanwhile, us veggies are over here high-fiving over a good avocado.
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Meat eaters and their love for rare steak are like the daredevils of the culinary world. They want their steak so undercooked that it's practically still grazing in the pasture. Meanwhile, I'm over here cooking my veggie burger thoroughly, afraid I might accidentally overcook it and turn it into charcoal.
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You know you're in the presence of a true meat lover when they start describing the texture and flavor of their steak in poetic detail. It's like they're reciting a love poem to a piece of meat. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to convince people that quinoa has feelings too.
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Meat eaters have this habit of sharing gruesome animal facts with vegetarians, thinking it will change our minds. It's like they believe we're one horrifying documentary away from abandoning our leafy greens. Sorry, but I've seen the documentaries, and I'm still crunching on my carrot sticks.
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