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Have you ever seen a longhorn in a traffic jam? It's like they're sitting there, looking at the cars, thinking, "You call this a herd? Amateurs. I deal with traffic every day in the pasture – you guys are nothing.
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Longhorns are basically the Texas version of a rock band. I imagine them backstage, combing their horns, checking themselves out in a mirror, getting ready to hit the pasture stage. "Are we ready to moooove the crowd tonight?
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I wonder if longhorns ever get tired of people taking selfies with them. It's like, "Hey, I know my horns are majestic, but I'm trying to enjoy some grass here. Can we save the photoshoot for later?
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I saw a longhorn the other day, and those horns were so big, I thought it was auditioning for a role in a superhero movie. Move over, Thor – we've got Hornsman, the mightiest of the herd!
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You ever notice how longhorns have these massive horns? I mean, is it a fashion statement in the bovine world? "Yeah, I got the horns, babe – they're the Louis Vuitton of the cattle kingdom!
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I tried to have a conversation with a longhorn once, but it just stared at me with those giant eyes. I swear, they have this look like they're judging your life choices. "You eat grass too, but at least I have these awesome horns!
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Longhorns must have their own secret society. I bet they have a secret handshake involving a head nod and a synchronized horn twist. If you ever see two longhorns doing that, they're probably plotting world domination.
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I bet longhorns have a favorite hairstylist – probably a bird who perches on their back and styles those horns like it's the latest trend. "Just a little twist to the left, add some volume – perfect, you're ready to rule the ranch runway!
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You know, when I see a longhorn grazing, I can't help but think they're the hipsters of the animal kingdom. "Oh, grass? Yeah, I was into that before it was mainstream. I'm a graze-ivore, you've probably never heard of it.
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