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Have you noticed that hygienists have a strange sense of humor? They're poking and prodding, and suddenly they say something like, "You have great saliva flow." I'm like, "Is that a compliment? Do I get a trophy for that?" I don't know what to do with that information. And they always say things like, "Just a little pinch" before stabbing you with that needle for the numbing agent. A little pinch? It feels like they're trying to thread a needle through my gums!
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Let's talk about dental hygiene for a moment. They say you should floss every day. I don't know about you, but I lie to my hygienist every time. "Yes, of course, I floss every day." Meanwhile, the last time I flossed was probably when I had something stuck in my teeth during the last Avengers movie. And then they give you that look like they can see right through you. "Really? Because your gums are bleeding." I want to say, "Well, maybe if you didn't attack my gums like you're trying to take down a fortress, they wouldn't bleed!
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You ever been to the dentist? Of course, you have. We all have to face that hygienist. You know, the person who seems to think your mouth is a crime scene and they're the forensic investigator. They put on that mask, gloves, and goggles like they're about to clean up a crime scene. I'm sitting there thinking, "I just had a sandwich for lunch, not a crime spree!" And they're always so serious about it. They start asking questions while their hands are in your mouth. "So, any big plans for the weekend?" I'm like, "Yeah, not talking to you for one!"
I never understand why they ask questions. Like, what kind of answer are they expecting? "Oh, sorry, I can't respond. I've got a dental pick in my molars.
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You ever feel like the hygienist is trying to hypnotize you with that light they shine in your face? It's like they're saying, "You are getting very sleepy, and you will forget all the discomfort and the fact that you have to pay for this torture." And they tell you to relax, but how can I relax when there's a tiny mirror and a hook-like instrument in my mouth? It's like telling someone to relax while defusing a bomb. "Just take it easy while I navigate this explosive situation in your mouth.
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