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You know, hitchhiking used to be an adventure. Now, with smartphones, it's lost its charm. I saw a hitchhiker the other day, and I thought, "Man, that's old school. Good for you!" But then I realized he wasn't just sticking his thumb out; he was holding his smartphone up with a sign that said, "Going West, need ride, 5 stars only." I mean, come on! Whatever happened to the mystery of the open road? Now it's all about ratings and reviews. Can you imagine the Yelp page for hitchhikers? "Four out of five stars – didn't talk much, but the silence was golden."
And then there's the awkwardness when you pick them up. They get in, and you're both staring at your phones, avoiding eye contact. It's like an Uber, but instead of small talk, you get the occasional "Turn left here" from the backseat.
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I'm convinced hitchhikers have a secret manual about the quirks of my car. Like, they've all gathered in some underground society and exchanged notes. Because every time I pick up a hitchhiker, they discover something weird about my car that I didn't even know existed. One guy goes, "Oh, the passenger seatbelt only works if you jiggle it a bit."
And I'm like, "Really? I've been living a lie my whole life!"
It's like my car has this secret life that it only reveals to hitchhikers. I'm just waiting for one of them to be like, "Did you know there's a hidden compartment in the trunk with treasure maps and a collection of rubber ducks?" And I'll be sitting there, stunned, thinking, "I've been driving a pirate ship this whole time?
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So, hitchhikers must have the strongest thumbs in the world. I mean, have you ever tried to keep your thumb up for an extended period? It's like an impromptu thumb workout. They're on the side of the road, thumb up, holding it there for hours. It's the ultimate thumb endurance challenge. I'm imagining a new fitness trend: "Hitch Hiker Thumb Workouts – the key to strong and confident hitchhiking!" They'll have classes where people stand in a row, thumbs up, waiting for someone to pick them up. And the instructor will be like, "Remember, it's all in the thumb!"
But seriously, kudos to hitchhikers for their dedication. My thumb would give up after five minutes and start signaling for a taxi.
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You ever pick up a hitchhiker? I tried it once. I thought, "Hey, let's live on the edge for a change!" So, there's this guy on the side of the road, thumb out, looking like he's been on a cross-country journey since the Stone Age. I pull over, and he hops in. Now, immediately, I'm regretting my decision. Not because he seemed dangerous, but because I suddenly realized I know nothing about hitchhiking etiquette. I'm thinking, "Do I make small talk? Should I offer snacks? Is this like having a guest in your car, or is it more of a 'we're both in this together' vibe?" So, I go with the classic: "So, um, you like cars?"
And he's like, "Yeah, they're alright."
And that was the extent of our profound conversation. So, here I am, cruising down the highway in awkward silence, regretting my spontaneous act of goodwill. I drop him off at the next gas station, and we exchange the most half-hearted thank-yous in history. Lesson learned: I'm not cut out for the hitchhiker-hosting business.
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