4 Jokes About Guys Being Jerks

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 20 2024

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You ever notice how guys can turn into real jerks in the wild? I'm not talking about some remote jungle or a survival TV show; I mean the everyday wilderness of the local bar or a crowded subway. It's like the urban jungle brings out the inner beast in them.
I was on the subway the other day, and this guy was manspreading like he was auditioning for the role of King Kong. I swear, if he spread any wider, he would have declared himself the sovereign ruler of the C Train. I couldn't help but think, "Buddy, it's not the Serengeti; you don't need to mark your territory that aggressively."
Seems like some guys have this primal instinct to be jerks when they step outside. It's survival of the rudest out there!
Guys love DIY projects, right? Fixing a leaky faucet, building a bookshelf – classic weekend warrior stuff. But you know what they've turned into DIY lately? Being jerks.
I saw this guy at a hardware store the other day, and he was complaining to the cashier because they didn't have the exact shade of paint he wanted. He's like, "This is outrageous! I demand to speak to the manager."
Dude, it's a hardware store, not a five-star restaurant. But I guess in his mind, being a jerk is just another home improvement project.
Guys being jerks have found a new breeding ground: social media. It's like there's an unwritten rule that says, "If you're not trolling, are you even online?" I swear, some of these guys turn into keyboard warriors faster than you can say "unfriend."
You ever notice how a guy can be the nicest person in person, but you put a screen in front of him, and suddenly he's the online superhero of snark? It's like he's got a PhD in passive-aggressiveness.
And don't even get me started on the comment sections. It's like a battlefield out there, and the casualties are the emojis trying to keep the peace. 🕊️
You know, they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, I propose a support group for guys who are jerks. We'll call it "Jerks Anonymous." Can you imagine the introduction circle?
"Hi, I'm Dave, and I cut in line at the coffee shop."
"Hi, Dave!"
It's like a therapy session, but instead of discussing our feelings, we're talking about our most recent jerk moves. We'd have these guys standing up, sharing their stories like, "Last week, I double-parked in a compact car spot with my Hummer. Sorry, not sorry."
I think we might be onto something here. Maybe we can save the world, one jerk at a time, with a little group therapy.

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