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I once got a fortune that said, "Good things come to those who wait." Really? Because I've been waiting for my pizza delivery for an hour, and I'm starting to lose faith in that philosophy. Come on, good things, I'm hungry!
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You ever get a fortune cookie with a message that's so vague it could apply to anyone? Like, "You will encounter opportunities that will change your life." Oh, really? Because I was planning to binge-watch Netflix tonight, and that sounds pretty life-changing to me.
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Fortune cookies are like the philosophers of the food world. They don't just tell you your fortune; they make you question the meaning of life. I got one that said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Well, my journey to the fridge usually starts with a hesitant shuffle in my slippers.
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I got a fortune the other day that said, "Your future is bright." Well, thank you, Captain Obvious! I didn't need a cookie to tell me that. I mean, I ordered extra sweet and sour sauce – of course, my future is looking up!
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Fortune cookies are like the original clickbait. They lure you in with promises of profound insights, but half the time, it's just a thinly veiled suggestion to eat more vegetables or floss regularly. Thanks for the health tips, cookie.
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I got a fortune once that said, "You are unique." Well, that's reassuring. I was starting to worry that I was just another cookie-cutter human being. But hey, if my fortune says I'm unique, who am I to argue?
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Ever notice how fortune cookies are the only place where breaking something open and finding a piece of paper is considered good luck? Try doing that with your piggy bank, and suddenly you're not everyone's favorite guest.
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The best part about fortune cookies is that you can always add "in bed" to the end of your fortune to make it more interesting. "You will come into a large sum of money... in bed." See? Instant entertainment for the evening.
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Why is it that fortune cookies never give practical advice? I want one that says, "Remember to charge your phone before leaving the house" or "Check if there's toilet paper before you sit down." Now, that's the kind of wisdom I could use daily!
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