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I recently went to confession because, you know, it's good to clear the conscience. So, I walk into the confessional, and what do I see? A priest with a selfie stick! I'm thinking, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned... but first, let me take a selfie." I mean, we're living in a world where even the confessional has to keep up with social media trends. Can you imagine the priest updating his status like, "Just absolved three Hail Marys and a hashtag blessed"?
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Adulting is hard, isn't it? I mean, some days I just want to throw in the towel and declare, "Forgive me father, for I can't adult today." You ever wake up in the morning, and you're just staring at the coffee maker, wondering if life is a sitcom and someone's going to jump out and yell, "Cut!"? I'm convinced that adulthood is just a never-ending episode of a show called "How to Pretend You Know What You're Doing." And if there's a higher power watching, they're probably laughing and thinking, "Forgive them, for they know not how to adult.
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You ever notice how socks seem to disappear in the laundry? I mean, seriously, where do they go? It's like there's a secret society of socks plotting their escape. So, I'm doing my laundry, and I end up with a drawer full of single socks. I'm thinking, "Forgive me father, for I have lost another sock in the abyss of the dryer." Maybe there's a support group for missing socks somewhere out there, and they're all just seeking forgiveness for abandoning their sock pairs.
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You know, the other day I was sitting in a cafe, trying to be all sophisticated and work on my laptop. I see this guy sitting across from me, typing away furiously. So, I figure, hey, maybe he's working on the next great novel or solving world hunger. I glance over, and what do I see on his screen? He's playing Candy Crush! I'm thinking, "Forgive me father, for I have WiFi." I mean, come on, even the priest would probably be like, "Dude, at least pretend to be productive!
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